by Tom Doolan

Created on: May 07, 2008   Last Updated: May 12, 2008

Of all of the issues that have to do with divorce, child support is often the most stressful. Even in an amicable divorce, where both parties can agree on the separation of the household, and the visitation of the child or children, the amount and manner of child support can be a point of contention.

Most states today have a formula to figure out what is best for the child, and fair for both the custodial and non-custodial parent. However, even this can be fallible, and one party or the other may suffer for it. So, what is the best solution? The answer is more complex than one might think.

Although the term has negative connotations, raising a child is a "burden." And when one parent has full physical custody, that burden can be a strain. So, child-support is intended to make sure that the non-custodial parent is "paying his/her fair share" in the material expense of raising a child or children. This includes food, clothing and living expenses. And the amount of child-support is supposed to represent half of this cost for an average month.

However, since the custodial parent isn't usually held accountable for how that money is spent, it can feel very unfair to the non-custodial parent. One way to avoid this is to communicate. The custodial parent should feel obligated to make sure the non-custodial parent understands where the money goes to.

Another issue is entertainment and extra-curricular activities. While it can be argued that these are normal expenses associated with child-rearing, and that both parents should share this burden, regardless of the custodial arrangement, it can also be argued that the non-custodial parent is already "paying" for this by not being able to be involved in such activities. This is an issue that many custodial parents don't understand. Mothers who have full physical custody of their children often neglect to consider that the father is already missing out on a lot of his child's development. Especially in cases where the parents live in separate cities or states. So, in this case, is it fair for the father to pay money for being deprived of his child's activities? This is an issue that has to be resolved between the parents. The courts have little to no say in this matter, because it can't be physically recorded or kept track of.

In the end, the only thing that is truly important, and that must be considered first and foremost, is the health and welfare of the child. This is why the states use formulas, based on the differences in household incomes and visitation times. However, nothing says a parent, whether custodial or non, can't take their ex-spouse's feelings and circumstances into consideration. Not every household fits neatly into a formula. And sometimes allowances need to be made, for the sake of all involved. That is why parents have the final say as to what goes into a marriage settlement agreement. No matter what the courts say is a fair amount for child support, the one the parents agree on is what they can enforce.

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