by Jae Baeli

Created on: May 07, 2008   Last Updated: April 02, 2010

The advise I offer here is based upon my own hard-won understanding, and the counsel of other lesbians who have also been privy to the lessons that relationships teach us.

Many of the same rules apply to nurturing a long-term relationship as apply to dating. The Five C's, which I cover in another article, can serve as a map, but there will always be exceptions, extenuating circumstances and the various curve balls that life can throw at us.

Maintaining a healthy relationship is by no means an afterthought. It must be something two women work on consistently. This does not, however, mean it has to be a full-time job that sucks the joy out of your life. If your union with your Significant Other is doing that, perhaps it's time to look at the possibility that you are not well suited to each other.

Ostensibly, we get involved with someone because we feel she is compatible with us and our life. If we discover down the road that this isn't so, it is most likely because we didn't take the time to get to know her very well before we made a commitment to her; or perhaps we just thought we could change her once we had her ensconced in our loving arms. Either way, it's a recipe for failure.

Understanding the Types

When moving into the environment of a long-term relationship, there are considerations that should be included in your decision to commit. You also must con-sider the reasons why your potential partner wants to be in a long-term relationship with you.
"For all of us die-hard lesbo's and newbies," says Justice Harlow, "I think It would be great to establish or re-establish some definitions that seem to always come up like cheap alcohol."
Alrighty then. Here they are.

Friends. One important thing that causes problems for Lesbians in the dating milieu is that we are both friends and lovers with the same gender. This tends to blur the lines. Emotional maturity plays a crucial role in the ability of two women to become friends after they have been lovers, or even after they meet with romance in mind, but discover that one or both of them isn't getting a spark.

Justice Harlow says, "I've got friends who I would never dream of having anything sexual with, and others that would probably never dream of going there with me. But for the few that are ex's or ex sex partners, I do have clearly defined roles that put me at ease in our current friendships. When "Carrey" comes over, we laugh, may hug and spoon each other if she spends the night. But we never, ever say things

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