by Jae Baeli

Created on: May 07, 2008   Last Updated: January 19, 2009

In standard dating, meaning, in person, and not in the preliminary meeting stages online, there are often a different set of red flags and deal breakers. These are usually connected to the dynamic that is created through several interactions.

Swift need to have sex. It's like "sealing the deal"-women who want to get you into bed right away are in some sense catering to their own insecurities. My best friend calls this the Magic P*y Syndrome. Like, if they just give themselves over to you, you'll be convinced of their value, and all shall be well. For reasons mentioned previously, sex too early in a dating relationship is always a bad idea. We find ourselves in an intimate clench, the hormones take over and before you know it, we are justifying what is without argument, a bad decision.

I consider myself a modern woman, but I have to admit that the old fashioned approach to building relationships is often the one least fraught with peril. There is something valuable in getting to know someone without the added confusion of sexual activity. When you insist on a more gradual approach, you have the opportunity to know how you feel about someone based on many other things aside from the chemically-charged experience of shared orgasm, which can more often than not be misleading, and serves only to cloud thinking.

Should you actually have that first date, it should be followed by many others before intimacy is explored. I can say this knowing that I've operated from the opposite paradigm. It never works out well if sex is introduced early. Intimacy too soon also creates expectation. It introduces dynamics that are at once confusing and fraught with the potential for conflict. The old school idea that you should make friends and spend a lot of time getting to know each other on a platonic level, is, as much as I hate to admit it, the WAY TO GO. Every comment, every action, is measured against the yardstick of sexual emotion. This prevents any pure exploration of the friendship aspect or the partnership potential as it will always be colored by the emotions that accompany sex.

Swift intimacy also tends to encourage the lowering of our own standards. We are much more likely to tolerate certain behaviors and character flaws, if we are having sex with a woman, than if we are not. This is decidedly a chemical issue, as the addictive quality of Endorphins, Dopamine, Oxytocin and other brain chemicals keeps us from making decisions from a rational point of view. When these chemicals

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