Here is how to make your dentist very unhappy. And when you leave the dental office after your checkup, even the receptionist will scowl at you. But YOU will be the one who did not have to sit there for an eternity with a happy dentist replacing parts, drilling holes, shooting your gums full of novocaine and spilling your contents on your precious clothes.

Here is the five step program.

Never use a toothpaste with fluoride. Never drink water in a city whose government still thinks putting fluoride in the water is cool thing to do. fluoride is doing the same thing to Americans that lead dishes did to the Romans a couple thousand years ago. Fluoride makes you stupid. Just a few generations ago mining companies had a problem. The problem was slag. The slag was fluoride. An ingenious advertising man sold the idea of turning lemons into lemonade. The slag became a water additive all across the land. And the national IQ has been going down ever since. The seller of the fluoride conversion idea went on to convince women that smoking was a great approach to equality with the tobacco advertisement, "you've come a long way, baby."

When I was a boy, we had baking soda to brush with and peroxide and water for gargle. I felt terrible that we did not have all the pretty toothpaste tubes I saw advertised on TV.

By the time I was grown I did not find it difficult to find toothpaste with baking soda and peroxide but without fluoride.

I still follow another rule I had to live with when I was a child. NO food after I brushed my teeth in the evening.

We always have apples around the house and when I go out I often take an apple or two. The best thing to do when you can't brush after a meal is to have an apple for dessert. Even if it is the second dessert.

I carry a little used medicine cannister. It is a little longer than a tooth pick. And tooth picks are exactly what I carry in that little medicine cannister. Little chunks of food easily escape the toothbrush. And when I have lunch, I want to get those little chunks of food out of my mouth before they rot, fowl my breath, and ruin my teeth.

Finally, I am sold on sonic toothbrushes. They work.

I will never forget the movie "Peggy Sue Got Married." Peggy Sue is troubled. She visits her grandfather and asks him for advice. She says, "Gramps, if you had your life to live over again would you live differently?" Gramps replies, "I would take better care of my teeth."

So, always use a toothpaste WITHOUT fluoride but, WITH baking soda and peroxide. A little peroxide in a glass of water also makes a good gargle.

Keep the mouth clean. Always carry tooth picks to pick those food chunks out.

When you cannot brush, eat an apple.

In the evening, don't eat after brushing.

And, hey, smile whenever you think about "how pleased" your dentist will be.

Learn more about this author, Boo Spinner.
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