1 of 6

Write now Article Tools

There is no other relationship as wonderful and gratifying as that of grandparent and grandchild. It is a special, magical world that only grandparents and grandchildren can share. And, just as there are many kinds of grandchildren, there are also many kinds of grandparents. Some are stricter than others. Some like to spoil their grandchildren mercilessly. Some are thrilled to spend every free moment with their grandchildren. And others have busy, involved lives of their own and don't have as much time to share. But, whatever the case or type, the relationships are still a valued aspect of family life.

I have five children and twelve grandchildren. And, just as my five children are different in many ways, so are their parenting choices. One is most concerned that her children don't eat too many sweets, watch too much TV and that they be respectful to others. Another is more concerned with making sure her children feel loved and secure in their environment. Another fosters independence and creativity. I believe all these concerns are valid and I proudly respect my children's choices and values.

I have found the best way to enjoy my grandchildren and not conflict with my children's parenting choices is to handle each situation as I think the child's parents would handle it. For the boys whose mom is trying to limit sweets and non-nutritional snacks, I try to abide by that rule when baby sitting and spending time with them. They know that I may weaken and sneak them an extra cookie once in a while. But they also know I won't bring a bag of candy and let them go to town.

One of my daughters finds it delightful that grandma gives in to her granddaughters and they can usually get what they want simply by asking. I wouldn't, of course, do this if I didn't know she expected it.

In other words, it is important to keep your children's values and wishes in mind when spending time with your grandchildren. Undermining their parenting choices will not only confuse the child but will, undoubtedly, lead to hard feelings between you and your children. This, in turn, could even lead to your children hesitating to allow you to spend as much time with their children. And there's nothing an adult child likes to hear more than what a great job you think they're doing raising their children.

If there is an area of concern, where you think the parents are handling a situation wrong or may need some guidance, speak with your child privately. Never contradict them in front of the child. This will only intensify the confrontation and create disharmony for all three generations. Speaking privately and in a non-threatening manner will probably result in the advice being well received and maybe even appreciated.

There are no hard and fast rules in any aspect of human interaction. Sometimes simply putting yourself in the other's place will provide insight and enable matters to be resolved without causing hard feelings.

And always try to remember what it was like when you were a new parent. While welcoming some advice and helpful hints, you didn't relish the though of anyone, including your parents, telling you how to raise your children.

This being said, enjoy your grandchildren. There is no other feeling in the world quite like hearing your grandchild say, "I love you grandma."

Learn more about this author, Donna Carroll Batton.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.

Add your voice

Know something about Grandparents: Tips for respecting your child's parenting choices?
We want to hear your view. Write now!