I can only describe it all till the time I enter into that other world. I rely on the prowess of speech and vocabulary of the onlookers to tell me what I did and how!. I am a simple girl with simple tastes in life. People say I am 'Mad', but I would rather term myself as 'Sporadically Insane'!.

Life, to me, had always been so predictable, with my parents never being around for me and my brother never bothering about anything, even me. I met my parents on weekends for a brief session of an hour at the breakfast table and then they would be gone. I don't remember meeting my brother for months. I was raised by the nanny.

It all started about a year back. I was 17 and had taken up a part-time job as a waitress, in a small time restaurant. It was a mundane day at work, when the man at the table I was serving, started yelling out loud. I rushed to see what was wrong and he started throwing verbal abuses at me about the quality of food that was served to him. I apologized again and again but to no avail, and, then it happened. I remember that part so clearly, I felt the blood rushing to my head, his voice clouded my brain as if it were some parasite left loose and doubling its size by the second. My head was exploding with that noise, it felt like someone was drumming at my ears. I clenched my teeth. The next thing I knew was I was lying on the ground surrounded by my workmates and the customer was being carried away on a stretcher.

My co-workers told me later, that I had picked up a plate and simply banged it on the man's head. I was fired.

A year and many such incidents later I find myself in an asylum for the mentally ill undergoing a treatment. I see my parents more often now than in all these years.

If you see it from my perspective, insanity is beautiful. You can do things that your sane mind would otherwise not allow. I am not talking about beating up people or violating any kind of rules; I speak about levitating your heart and mind into that other world. I find myself musing over things I would have never dreamed of wasting a moment on, like, I love to follow an ant in its daily work, meeting and greeting every other ant on the way, I wait for the early morning dew drops from the fresh green leaf to fall right into my open mouth. I love to sit and stare into infinity wondering what's out there, I love to throw a glass at a wall and hear the sound of it breaking with thousands of tiny shards flying all over the place as if they were little stars bursting through a hole in the wall. One of my greatest wishes is to feel oneness with the world, I want to have a free fall, to let go of myself from a cliff and embrace the wind. To shout at the top of my lungs and tell the world, I am free I am happy.

I really wish these people stop poking me with needles and thrusting medicines down my throat. I really wish they leave me alone and let me be in my insanity, in my ecstasy!.

Learn more about this author, Sheeja Shaju.
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