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"Have you lost weight?"

Unless you've struggled with body image this question is totally innocent. You may respond with a quick yes or no or even a laugh and a "thank you" instead. However, those of us with body image issues view this question in a totally different light. If you're overweight, self conscious, and trying to lose this question comes as a huge compliment. You may think, "Someone noticed all my hard work!" and respond with a smile, a thank you, and feel uplifted. If you're underweight, trying to gain, and very aware of your small size this question comes as an attack. You may think, "But I'm not trying!" and respond coldly, with a clipped "no", and feel horrible.

And in the world of eating disorders, this question can mean the world.

"Have you lost weight?"

An overweight individual may see this question as someone's attempt at a cruel joke. Even if the person didn't mean it that way, the person hearing it may detect a hint of bite in the questioner's voice.

An underweight individual may see this question as a compliment as well as a danger sign. This means that someone noticed the "hard work" being put in to losing weight, but having someone notice that "you're so tiny" can mean interventions and forced recovery.

A normal weight individual will see this question in varying ways depending on where the struggle lies. It may be taken as an attack, as a compliment, a danger sign, a joke, or a lie all at once. The responses may also differ: an easy "yes" or "no", "A thank you" with a smile or a "laugh" and a shrug, an eye roll or a glare.

"Have you lost weight?"

Even at my stage of recovery this question still sends chills through me. If I've had a few "fat days" as I call them I think the person is joking because there is no way that I could have done anything but gain. If I've had a few "comfortable days" (where I'm comfortable with my weight) I can respond with a smile, a laugh, an "I don't think so" and go on. I'm still wary about losing weight, even if it's in a healthy manner. I'm always afraid that someone will think that I've relapsed or something. So hearing the question puts me on the defensive even if I have, in fact, lost weight.

Personally, I try not to ask this question unless I'm totally sure where the person is in their body image view. I've been in every painful position, so I try not to place others there.

What can you do? When in doubt, just don't ask. Honestly, you may be saving someone a really tough day or even a tough week.

"Have you lost weight?"

I'm not telling...are you?

Learn more about this author, Kasondra Morin.
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