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I don't think it was psychedelic enough to have been drug-induced, so we can only assume alcohol is to blame. The proposal for New Coke back in the 80s must have come from intoxicated hands, and have you ever read an economics text book?

It has to be hard work, writing like that. It would at least take heavy editing. I'm figuring longhand is out of the question because of the coordination that's required, so most drunk writers would have to type their products.

It probably starts out pretty good. A bubble of oxygen happens into his brain, and a few words come out:

"Dear Mr. President:"

Then a long pause, probably with a good swig of his poison. The bubble of oxygen is now gone.

"I am a retired factory worker."

He is not, but it sounds good. A small drizzle of saliva trails from the corner of his mouth and toward the "Z" key, threatening to short out the keyboard.

"My pension suks. I cant aford nothing. My bzzills are overdue. I zzzz never hazzzzve any fun."

The keyboard is shorting, but on the upside he has produced a new slang dialect that later becomes Snoop Dogg's trademark. Unfortunately his attention is lapsing.

"I zzzznever hazzve any fun. Stillzz dno'tzz. But when you zzlook at the bottzzzom portion of the szzupply and demand curve"

And then he's asleep.

Learn more about this author, Brian Jeffiers.
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