by Priya Kamath

Created on: May 06, 2008   Last Updated: February 17, 2012

Somehow, in my mind, there couldn't possibly be any other answer but a 'NO', an unequivocal 'NO'.

I have two boys, nine and five, and they have a lot of friends that are girls. As much as I appreciate their friendship and encourage it by having play dates, a sleepover is a definite 'NO-NO'.

Children are inherently curious and experimental at any age. It is a trait that helps them learn, an attribute that is conducive to expanding their horizons and be successful in life. But this curiosity is not restricted to just things that parents consider favorable. A sleepover with a friend of the opposite gender really pushes the limits for all temptations. It offers the child an enticing opportunity to experiment with things that are otherwise deemed inappropriate at that age. The sleepover could be entirely innocent, but there is always the possibility of something improper happening.

One might argue that adult supervision could deter inappropriate situations. But, honestly, if your child were having a sleepover, it would not be right to hover around constantly, monitoring their activities. A sleepover is meant to be a fun experience for the child, and if a parent is always around watching everything the children do, the whole 'charm' of the sleepover is lost for the child. It would also express a lack of trust which would be unhealthy for the child's self-esteem. So the watchful eyes of adults are limited to an extent.

A coed sleepover also runs the risk of possibly eclipsing some beautiful future experiences of life for the child. Children hear a lot of talk about everything from their peers, at school and at play. Some of it might be accurate, and then some of it is completely distorted and far from the truth. Also, despite restricting the matter that children are exposed to, they are inadvertently bombarded with images and information that is unsuitable, and on occasions, inaccurate. A coed sleepover presents the child with an opportunity to experiment, and in his or her mind, validate this information If it is an unpleasant experience, the child could be disillusioned and the experience stay etched in his or her mind as something to stay away from in life. On the other hand, a child who has a seemingly good experience would want to experiment even more leading to inappropriate situations that could be physically, mentally and morally detrimental.

All my thoughts are based on the simple belief that there is a time and place for everything in life. When things happen at appropriate moments, our lives are enriched and it brings happiness.

It is wonderful when children interact socially and play with others of the opposite gender. It gives them a better understanding and encourages comfort in dealing with the opposite sex, which is inevitable and integral to life. It is also encouraging to children when they are allowed to make their own decisions. It builds self confidence which is vital to lead a happy life.

However it would be unfair to put them in situations that require discernment and wisdom beyond their years. In my opinion, children under 10 or even in their teen years are likely to be emotionally immature and therefore don't always make wise decisions.

Why would any parent want to put their child in a situation like that?

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