by CL Nelson

Created on: May 05, 2008

"Whatever" is a common mantra of most adolescents. Although the majority teens put forth this image of an aloof, confident, self-sufficient individual, they are really searching for answers and understanding of their place in this world. The adolescent years are an exciting, yet tumultuous time for teens. Their daily lives are filled with decisions and choices, which we as adults sometimes deem insignificant. However, for a teen, those insignificant decisions are tantamount to their existence. Teens struggle with making friends, fitting in, avoiding ridicule from peers, family issues, school, work, college, cars, girlfriends, boyfriends, and the list goes on. How then, do adults help teens navigate their way through these challenging years?

The most important part of giving advice is listening. First and foremost, you have to listen, listen, listen! Listen objectively. Listen intently. Listen openly and without judgment. Once you have listened, then give advice. Give advice with compassion, with love, and with understanding. Teens want someone to help guide them through these years. They want insight, not pat answers. Don't patronize or condescend. Teens are smarter than we give them credit for. They know when they're being belittled or talked down to. Nothing makes a teen shut down faster than being patronized. Once that happens, any advice you had to give will go unheard. Also, if you don't know the answer, tell them. It is okay to not have all the answers. Be honest with the teen. They'll have greater respect for you and your advice when you're honest. Don't be afraid to show them their choices: the Christian path and the secular path. Allow teens to see that both paths have an end solution. Tell teens that the Christian path may be a bumpier ride than the secular path and that it isn't always easy. Whereas the secular path may solve the problem in the short term and alleviate the teen's angst; it will not solve the problem in the long run. In the end, the Christian path leads to greater reward such as confidence, integrity, and self-worth. Regardless of the situation, it is important to remind teens that God does have a plan for them.

Remember beyond the gruff exterior, is a teen who is listening to what you have to say. You are a role model for them. Show them through your actions and words how to solve problems from Christian perspective. Teens are observant. They are always watching and taking guidance from your actions. Therefore to give advice, you have a responsibility to behave in the manner you wish your teen to emulate throughout their adolescent years.

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