After reading Mitch Albom's book, "For one more day," I felt as if he read my mind. The book made me wonder what I would do if I had one more day to make it all right but most importantly, it made me want to mend the relationships I have on this earth as soon as possible.
I suddenly had a feeling of remorse because there was someone that I needed to find and ask for their forgiveness. I felt I needed to look them in the eyes so that I can see what they felt as I explained what happened and how badly I felt. This young man had a serious crush on me and I had a crush on him too but things did not go as planned, or as I wanted them to go.
It all started in the sixth grade when my mother's best friend invited us to her home. When we arrived, the first person I noticed was her nephew. He was the cutest boy I had ever seen with his large brown eyes, curly hair and the biggest and most gentle smile I have ever seen. I was instantly in love. Of course, at 11 years old, you have no idea what love means but in my mind, I was in love. We were able to play together all summer long where we sat and talked for hours at a time. We never held hands or anything else because I would not have spoken to him anymore if he had tried. This girl was not interested in being intimate, she just wanted to admire him.
Anyway, the years went by and we lost touch only to find each other again in high school. He was a year ahead of me and on my first day at school, our eyes met each other. It was at that point that we gave our hearts away.to each other. This would mean that we were both off limits to everyone else. We never did say that to each other but we both knew.
Every day, he would wait for me after class to walk me to the bus station which was about a mile away. We seldom walked together because we were afraid of our parents. My mother did not want to even hear that I walked with a boy especially this boy because she knew that we had spent some memorable times together. He was always a step behind my friends and I but we made very frequent glances at each other.
Every one at our school knew that we were together even though we were not. During lunch, he would find my hangout and we would stand under the tree with each other, without uttering a word for at least thirty minutes each day. We really enjoyed each other's company. We never shared a kiss but we once held hands. It is one of the most memorable feelings in my lifetime.
The day would come where I allowed peer pressure to get the best of me because my friends decided that he was not good enough for me and I believed them. They said that he hung around too much, I needed to get rid of him, and I did. I told him to stop hanging around me and I was quite malicious about it plus I did it in front of my friends and they all laughed. That was the day, I broke my heart.
After I told him to leave me alone, I could see he was devastated but he asked me one last time if this was really, what I wanted and I told him yes. To get back at me for embarrassing him, the next day, he asked a girl in my class to be his girlfriend. I was consumed with jealousy and just hated him for it. I could not believe he had done that to me not thinking that I had really done that to myself.
Every day, on my way home from school I would see him in front of the library with this girl and they were holding hands. I was lost; I wanted him back because he was my first love. He is my first love. What had I done? When I would pass by, all of his friends would look at me but he would not, at least at first. After about two weeks, he kissed her right in front of me and I went home and cried for days.
I became bitter and started hating his new girlfriend, who was really a nice girl. She was smart and never really did anything to anyone except I felt she stole my guy. Now I knew that I gave him away but back then, I just wanted to scream at her and tell her to go away.
I decided that I wanted him back. Not only because he was my first love, but also because he was the cutest boy in school and the fact that his heart belonged to me and only me. I gave him my heart and never took it back. One day, I walked up to him and told him that he needed to break it off with the other girl because I was sorry. Without hesitation, he did. He went right up to her and told her that he and I were back together. She was thoroughly distraught and at that moment, I knew that if she could, she would have probably just erased me from the face of the earth. Not even having a second thought about her, we went on our way. We were back on and happy again.
About four weeks later my mother announced that we were moving to another state and I was ecstatic. I told him and he said that he would find ways to see me and he did. He would get on the train and travel for four hours to come and see me and I blew him off. My news friends did not like him because he was a "country boy" and I now lived in the city. They told me to break it off and I did. I wrote him a letter with about five sentences telling him never to speak to me again. He never did.
To this day, I think about him. He touched my life in more ways than one. Our love or what we felt for each other was so pure and innocent. When we looked at each other, it was as if there was no one else around. Even though, now, I do not think of him in a romantic light I would like to know what he is doing. I hope he is happily in love with someone wonderful.
I remember that for years I had been tormented by that letter I wrote and one night in my dreams he came to me and told me that he forgave me but he was in the hospital in my dream. That makes me wonder even more if he is alive. I never found him, even though I tried.
If I were granted a day to go back in time, I would find him and apologize. I know I have done so in my prayers and I know God has forgiven me, but I have not forgiven myself. All I would want to say is that, "I am sorry and that I loved the fact that he was my first love and that he was once apart of my life."