by Lili Bell Raye

Created on: May 05, 2008   Last Updated: May 29, 2008

Mountain of Shadows

We lived in the shadow of the mountain. It was always there. There was no way to escape it. I
cannot remember a day that I did not feel it's oppressive presence.

Our little shanty, our home, was nestled deep against the rock face on the backside of the mountain. When we opened the back door, we could almost touch it. The wall of it curved upward, so that the sun could not reach all the way in to our house. It was like living in a cave. Little natural light made it's way inside, so there was always a lantern or candles burning. That is probably my most vivid memory of our home.

My daddy worked in the mines. Had since he was a wee boy, and his daddy before him. Granny used to say the mountain killed her main. "Ate him up" was how she said it. The images that
conjured up in my young mind were terribly scary. Whenever she would say those words, I found it hard to sleep that night.

Daddy didn't talk much. In fact, I don't remember him doing anything much at all. He was gone by the time we were up, and many times he didn't get home until we were a long time abed. Only time we really "lived" with him was on Sundays. We'd all go to the little church in our town, then have our meal, and sit on the front stoop. Us kids would play silly games and visit with our friends, but Mama and Daddy, and of course Granny too, would just sit. Granny had an old rocking chair, and she'd spew her wisdom garnered from years of hardship and loss. Mama would just sit there with a hard, but vacant, look on her face, the bitterness of her life there for all to see. She had aged before her time, mostly from worry,
I think. And disappointment.

Mama came from a family down in the valley, below our mountain. Her daddy was a rich merchant
man, by all I had heard. When she got mixed up with my daddy, he pa told her to either get
rid of that trash or get out. She wouldn't give him up, so her daddy cut her off without so much as a by your leave. Daddy married her right away. Then she watched as all her dreams just kind of disappeared, day by day, year by year.

I think that's why her face got that hard look.

My daddy, and my mama and granny, all loved us. We knew that, but it just wasn't shown or talked about. We knew simply because we survived. They were there to take care of our needs, which, the way we lived, were few. We just Had to eat, keep warm, and get a new set of
clothes, including shoes, each year. Those came from the miner's store. That's why Mama said
Daddy never had any money.

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