Many of the articles under this topic catalog all manner of hardships and adversity and my heart goes out to all of you. Few though actually deal with the question of coping. Coping is hard. Trying to go about the everyday business of life, particularly when you have suffered a deep personal tragedy, feels next to impossible.

I'll have to relay my own tale of woe to put the coping strategy into a meaningful context. If you wish to go straight to what worked, simply skip forward a couple of paragraphs. Easy.

Anyway, in 1994, my wife and I lost our second child. Technically, it was our third as we suffered a miscarriage before this, but we won't go there. We went for our regular visit to the obstetrician (36th week) and had the worst news possible. The obstetrician couldn't find a heart beat. Actually, it was more convoluted than that. He didn't tell us anything, instead sending us to the hospital for an ultrasound and this little piece of news was left to the radiologist to deliver. No heartbeat, our child had died. No idea why at this stage, just one of those "things that happen". Later informed it was a placental infarct, like a heart attack or stroke of the placenta, cutting off most or all of the blood and nutrient supply to the baby. Sounds horrible and it was.

It is hard to know what was worse, waiting around for the week or so for my wife to go into labor (yes, no emergency or elective cesarean here to make things quicker) and knowing what the outcome was going to be, or the actual delivery itself, which was in the maternity ward of the local hospital. I probably don't need to tell you what hearing the sounds of other newborn babies does to someone grieving for a lost child, but it's not good. Then there is the funeral itself. A ceremony that goes against the laws of nature when a parent has to carry the coffin of their own child.

So, how did we cope with all of this?

Firstly, our friends and work colleagues were incredibly supportive. We lived at the time far away from family and, whereas our own families kept their distance out of not knowing what to say or do, complete strangers were wonderful. I can't say enough to praise the hospital staff, some who cried with us or held/touched us, others who were just there (including one nurse who attended our daughter's funeral - that is above and beyond the call of duty) as well as our neighbors, friends and my work colleagues. They were all supportive without feeling the

• 1
• 2
• 3
• next page >>

---

Add your voice

Know something about Testimonies: Coping with hardship in today's society?
We want to hear your view. Write now!