It was a beautiful sunny afternoon in October, the sun dancing on the leaves left on the trees. Carrie and her dog Pete had just come in from a brisk walk in the woods. She enjoyed the sound of the crackling leaves under her feet and Pete running around, nose to the ground, trying to find something to chase. Carrie loved fall in the south with its subtle promise of winter. And though she liked summer she was glad the hot, sweltering days were over until next year. She shed her jacket and the phone began ringing.

It was Carrie's brother, Fred. He said," Karin is dead." Carrie said, "What do you mean Karin is dead?" He said, "She's dead. Karin is dead." She said Fred, "What do you mean Karin is dead? He said, "All I know is that she dead. Just call Mary. Tell her about Karin. Tell her to come to the house as soon as possible. I'm in the car on the way home. I have to tell the boys. I'll see you there." He was crying.

Carrie stood very still with the phone in her hand. She just could not wrap her brain around the fact that Karin was dead even though it should not have surprised her. Karin was an addict. Even though Karin and her bother were divorced and Fred remarried, Karin was his children's mother who loved and adored her. Even though they were divorced I know Fred never wanted her to die. I knew telling his boys would be difficult if not the most difficult thing he would ever do in his life.

Driving to be with the boys, McCull age 12 and Andrew almost 16, Carrie's mind started to wander back to a similar day except is was spring of 1959 and she was 10 years old and her sister Mary was 8. The sun was shinning, the trees were beginning to show every shade of green and the dogwoods were blooming. There were even daffodils sneaking out from their winter hiding places.

Her mother's best friend had picked them up from school. They took Mary to spend the night with a friend. Carrie began to wonder what was wrong. Mary never spent the night out and Mrs. Smiley had never picked them up from school. As Mrs. Smiley drove down the street she told Carrie that her father who was on a fishing trip was missing, but there was hope he was still alive. Carrie knew in that instant that her father was dead. She immediately knew that this had happened to her before. The feeling was overwhelming.
She just wanted to go home. But she was sent to spend the night with a friend. She was told her mother was too upset to see her or her sister.

Well she was almost at her brother's house. Thank God their father was there for them.
No one was available to help her grieve her father's death. She swore to herself she would be emotionally and physically available to both her nephews in their grief. She turned into the driveway and got out of the car. McCull ran into her arms saying it's my fault. Carrie got to say what no one ever said to her. NO, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!

Learn more about this author, Carolyn Marks.
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