by Dave Kemp

Created on: May 04, 2008   Last Updated: October 31, 2008

I still love it! The exhilaration of going out on the stage and looking out over the crowd is priceless. The hour or two I spend thinking about going out there is something else altogether.

I am constantly checking my instrument to make sure it won't malfunction, challenging my memory so I don't miss a critical part in any of my songs, reading and rereading the program to make sure I don't do something out of order. I don't know why I am so paranoid. When it comes right down to it, I always purposely alter the program a little bit anyway just because that's the way I am.

I love to be on the edge. Performing for a crowd provides the ultimate edge. I play jazz, so altering the program or the song a little bit is sometimes part of the deal. When I perform other styles of music, I feel so confined most of the time. The exhilaration is the same, but then the performance leaves me exhausted because I can't change a thing. The band is depending on me to do my part - no more, no less.

Soloing is my favorite because I can do it however I please as long as I hit the cues for everyone else to join in. The crowd appreciation turns me on. No matter how good I play in practice, I always get just a little bit more out of myself when I am performing. Why? I think it is the adrenaline that kicks in, the lights, the need to please that I feel deep inside of myself, that allow me to shine when it is most critical.

I can thank my original band instructor for that. He always gave me music to play that was a little more difficult than I was truly ready for. When I expressed doubt about my ability to play it in a concert, he would just smile and say, "I know you can do it, Dave." He was never wrong about that. The only time I ever failed to play to my best abilities was when I was being judged by someone and there was no crowd there for support. As afraid as I am before going on stage, it is the audience that does it for me.

Now that I know this many years later, I never put myself in that position. If I am going to play for anyone, there will be an audience to provide that special energy that I need to perform at my very best. If they aren't going to be there, I will not play. This does not go for rehearsals, of course. Nobody can play at their best without rehearsal, but being judged is an entirely different matter for me. I want to be judge by many, not a few so-called experts. I guess that's why I'll never be famous.

On the other hand, I have my little niche in the world and I enjoy it tremendously. If I had to perform for a living, I think it would take the fun out of it. I play for me first. I play for everyone else because that is my personal turn-on. I need them and I hope and pray that, occasionally, they need me back. That, my friends, is the life of a non-professional musical performer.

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