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children. And now, she feels more committed to her husband than ever. Suppose someone approaches her and let's her know with a very strong and warning tone that she must cut off all affection that she feels for her husband. However, she must go even further, what if a person tells her that she must not only cut off her feelings for her own husband, but for all men in general. She is to never have sexual feelings for a man, and she is never to have an emotional connection with a man, ever. What would her response be? A good guess might be that she would think that this person is crazy. Another guess could be that she would wonder why a person would expect her to one day, all of a sudden, to put her intense and entrenched feelings for men on pause. She would most likely feel lost and perplexed, especially when she has always been attracted to men, and she is in love with her husband. It's probable that she can't explain why she has such a strong sexual and emotional attraction to men, and would perhaps think it quite idiotic for a person to ask her why she is heterosexual.

Now take this heterosexual woman and make her a female that has same-sex attractions. She is asked not to feel attractions towards someone she may feel a deep connection with. She is told to never have attractions towards her desired female partner, and one better, to never have desires for any other woman, ever. A woman with same-sex attractions is often expected to get rid of her intense and entrenched feelings. She is often asked why she feels this way, and what trauma in the past has made her homosexual. In the first instance it seems completely irrational to ask this woman to throw away her deep emotions. However, in the case of a woman who desires a same sex relationship, she is expected to treat her very real attractions for other women as a light switch, something she can turn on and off at any point and time.

All of this is painful. It would be very painful for a straight woman to have these demands placed upon her, and it is no different for a man or woman who lives his or her life in the closet. Those in the closet deal with hurt, depression, fear, loneliness, shame and anger. The person in the closet has the very natural desire to be close to a person, to feel loved and to show that love and closeness through intimacy. It is a human need to have love. It is very emotionally damaging to be forced into a corner where these very natural desires have to be repressed on a daily basis.

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