by Samuel Jones

Created on: May 03, 2008

Very few organizations involved in the War on Terror have the experience and resources of the CIA.

Right back in the 50's, the CIA was instrumental in preventing a Communist takeover of Afghanistan. Thanks to the brave professionals at the CIA, the grave menace of Communism was defeated and the foreign extremist mercenaries of the Taliban installed to protect freedom and democracy in Afghanistan. When the error of installing a murderous, misogynistic group of fanatics to a position of power became clear, the CIA were again swift to respond, assisting with the overthrow of their Taliban former allies and installing a new group of Islamist extremists from Pakistan to run the Afghan government.

Much of the CIA's experience in dealing with these matters came during the Vietnam War; when America faced a financial crisis from bankrolling the war effort, who stepped forward to the defense of democracy? None other than the CIA, boldly conceiving a plan to print millions of dollars in counterfeit bills to shore up the economy while they traded guns with South American countries in exchange for thousands of shipments of cocaine. In the course of this mission, the CIA afforded thousands of American soldiers killed in Vietnam the chance to serve their country even in death, this time by concealing smuggled cocaine in their bullet-riddled bodies as they were shipped back to the USA.

But who are these champions of freedom, the CIA? In espionage, the most famous agent is usually the least worthy of praise, since to be well-known is anathema to the work of a spy. Who then, can we identify to accept the honor on behalf of his faceless comrades? Step forward, Osama Bin Laden, CIA agent and Harvard graduate, a man so loyal he would accept the title of America's Most Wanted in order to alert the world to the War On Terror; to such men as this does the world owe its freedom. The people of the west owe Agent Bin Laden a debt of gratitude for his part in instigating the latest Afghan conflict; without him, how would the innocent citizens of Europe and America ever know of the terrible terrorist threat to their lives and liberties?

In their ongoing campaign to protect and serve liberty, agents of CIA frequently put themselves to the hazard on behalf of us all, venturing into moral territory where the mass of the human race rightly fears to go. Who else but these superior examples of humanity, the agents of the CIA, would bear the awful responsibility of extracting information from an iron-willed and belligerently evil terrorist? What methods would work on such a one, hardened as he is to commit the most horrific offenses, lacking as he is the slightest echo of humanity? Who but the CIA would willingly endure the company of such pure evil as this captive terrorist, and who would have the fortitude to lay physical hand on him in the pursuit of truth and justice? And what thanks have we given our brave defenders, who have abandoned their own morality in the defense of ours, and taken responsibility for torturing our enemies until truth and falsehood can be divined? For of course, no method but torture will suffice to punish the enemies of freedom, and none but the CIA should conduct it, expert as they are in matters relating to terrorism.

The sterling service of the CIA and its agents truly is an inspiration to us all.

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