by Melody Watson

Created on: May 03, 2008

Being a single mother was the hardest thing I've ever done, but at the same time, the most rewarding. During the first few years of my daughters life, I was a single mom. There were many nights of despair and frustration. For the most part, my little girl was happy and full of joy. But like any other child, she also had her rough patches. When your a single mother, there is no one else there to take the child when you get frustrated. There is no one around to give you a break when the baby's been crying for three hours straight and you don't know what to do. There's no one to tell you your doing a good job when you feel like nothing you do is working.

There were often times when I would question my ability as a mother. Unfortunately, the know hows of motherhood are not something that we are born with, but something we learn along the way. For the longest time, I wouldn't say no to my child, in fear that she would grow up hating me. Until she turned three years old, I gave in to all her needs, as often as I could. That made things like meal time and bed time quit time consuming. After preparing three different meals for her, she would finally pick the one I had originally made. Naps and Bed time were the most frustrating of all. My little girl hated her crib, so I would rock her to sleep in a rocking chair and then slowly take her downstairs and gently lay her in her crib. If she woke before we got there, I would head back upstairs and start over. It didn't take her long to figure out how to get me running to her in the middle of the night either.

If she cried, I made it there eventually. If she coughed, I got there a little faster. If she coughed and threw up, I was there in a flash. By the time she was one years old, we had to put her in a big girl bed just to get her to stop throwing up. The washer and dryer were getting more use than they should. And it's not that I couldn't handle those rough times, but it was often very hard keeping my sanity in tact. There were several times when it would've been easy to walk away and never come back, if it weren't for the deep love I had for my child.

It was that love that brought me so much reward. I couldn't believe I could love somebody so much. Because I was a single mom, there was no one else to share her with. There was no other person making the rules. There was no other person for her to bond with. During the first few years of her life, I was everything to her and I valued that immensely. The time we spent together was special and precious.

In my opinion, there are two sides of being a single mom. One is the lack of help when it's needed. The other is the joy in bonding with your children. My daughter is ten now, and although I am now married with another child, my relationship with my first daughter could never be matched. Because we were alone together for the first while, she is my special girl. I love my girls equally, but I am bonded to my eldest because of that time we had together. There are often times when I miss those days. Overall, there was so much joy. And now, after ten years, I know it's okay to say no to my kids.

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