by Angelina Brown

Created on: May 02, 2008   Last Updated: April 05, 2009

Maintaining integrity with children is a vital step in raising strong, honest children. Children learn by watching how the adults in their lives behave. If these adults don't tell the truth, whether it a hard or an easy truth, their children absorb this into their bones. They have a hard time in their own lives distinguishing between truth and fiction. And they miss the opportunity to learn both how to tell the truth and how to deal with the situation that prompted the lie.

Dealing with life's hardships, whether it's the loss of a job, the death of a loved one, or the damage of a natural disaster in an honest and forthright way builds a bond of truth between adults (not just parents but also aunts, uncles, grandparents, and teachers) and children. This teaches children how to cope with life's adversities because they have seen others handling what life throws at them with courage and grace.

The Divine Buddha teaches that life is suffering and only by facing this with honesty and integrity can we hope to overcome the pain suffering causes. When we lie our children, we deny our children the opportunity to grow and develop emotionally and mentally. And we break the trust that should be between children and the adults who love and care for them.

When death occurs, even it's only the death of a child's hamster, many parents first instinct is to protect the child from the pain of this loss. But it's essential to allow a child the opportunity to experience death and grief. The death of a family pet may seem more than a child should have to deal with, but without this "practice" children don't possess the emotional resources to deal with real loss, such as the death of a grandparent, teacher, or even classmate. Parents who rush out to replace a dead pet with a doppelganger are hurting their children more in the long run than the pain of losing a pet could cause.

Further, parents who gloss over or lie about the more difficult or embarrassing aspects of life deny their children the chance to learn the truth in a healthy, open way and instill a sense of shame in them about things that are natural and common. Parents who refuse to discuss bodily functions teach their children that their bodies are shameful things. Parents who don't want to talk about gender differences and sex are making their children vulnerable to misinformation, exploitation, disease and teen pregnancy. Telling little girls that boys are "dirty" or "icky"-and vice versa-doesn't protect that child from abuse,

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