by Jane Smith

Created on: May 02, 2008   Last Updated: October 31, 2008

The law has dramatically changed during the past few decades, politically, legally, militarily, and officially, albeit not always literally (=) constitutionally, according to the Unabridged Dictionary of 1776 which was used Benjamin Franklin [Library of Congress], who signed, both, the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution of the United States of America. As such, all drivers need to be mindful and heed the following advice:

Above all, DO NOT assume that the officer is a fellow American buddy whom you do not need to take EXTREMELY seriously!

DO NOT be lax. While pulling over, make certain that your driving is flawless, according to the book, inch by inch, from start to finish. Your driving skill, or lack thereof, at that point, will be recorded as a point-by-point "professional opinion" of your driving skill, and verified by two officers who will testify as eye witnesses.

DO NOT joke with the officer(s). DO NOT offer any lame excuses. DO NOT be dishonest; it insults their intelligence. Do not behave in any other than the most conservative, "ideal citizen" manner. To do otherwise will be held against you, on the record.

DO NOT fail to do, precisely, that which the officers tell you to do, even if you know that it violates your rights as an American citizen - which it probably does. As a proud hippy rebel newswoman, I know that, today, protesting one's rights to an officer is more likely to cause one to be killed than released, so choose your moments and venues of protestation wisely. Throughout, it helps to think like a police officer who has no authority over his "superior" officers; "Yes, Sir." "No, Sir."

When you open your window, the officer will, first, look into your eyes, ask you, at least, one question, and, while you are answering, attempt to smell your breath (without being obvious about it). Officers are skillful at smelling alcohol on one's breath - and some level of alcohol lingers on the breath for nearly two hours.

DO NOT expect to win this game of Catch 22; if you do not agree to take the field tests, you will be taken into the police station for testing on the machine, which may or may not work perfectly, without the ability to successfully fight the results in court, with or without a great attorney and a string of experts to testify upon your behalf, given that there are gaps within the rules regarding machine repair, leaving loose-ends - to the prosecutor's benefit.

DO NOT neglect to listen to the field test instructions as though your

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