by Michael Adam

Created on: May 02, 2008

Futile Verse 3 (Despondency)

As I stoop on the brink illuminated only by the flickering glow of the sunset,
Listening to dark morbid songs in my head, waxing lyrical on the futility of life and the despondency of living,
I am but drawn into the hypnotizing invitation of death.
In the serenity of this night, I can only think of surrender.

Will my epitaph read of cowardice? Or will it be of pure apathy?

Why am I devoid of any feelings of joy, or emotions of happiness?
The serenity that I see in others is not felt by me. The love not experienced.

Every step of mine, is a step of sorrow. All the breadth inhaled is sadness
The words spewed are poison. The deeds done, fatal

The branches of hope that I clung on to are old and brittle
How can I strive to grasp a new vine knowing that the ones that I am holding might give way?
Should I proceed with an act of bravado that will definitely fling me in the deep abyss of misery?
Or bide my time living in despair, waiting for my hopes to snap?

As the tears trickle down my cheeks, I am astounded that I am actually crying for the state of my being.
Never before have had I felt a strong emotion, even sadness. Never before have had I cried for myself.
Lord, why am I here?
What is it that I am supposed to accomplish in this life that you have cruelly bestowed upon me?
Worst still, why are you entrusting me with others,
Spouse, daughters and sons,
Responsibilities?

For all the love that You are the icon of, I have none.
For all the power that You should posses, why is none utilize to assist me?
For all the prayers that are said in Your name, why is none of mine answered?
For even to you O Lord, I am nothing.

The only reason that I am still here is because I am unsure of what lies beyond.
That is no reason that will hold me for long.
For all the torments and sufferings of hell and the afterlife
Surely, it cannot be worst that what I am going through in the years.

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