I dreamed of you last night. In fact it seems that I have been dreaming of you every night. These dreams are so real they are about you and I being together again. In them we are walking, holding hands and talking. We are so in love and it feels like we are 15 years old again even though we are two 45 year old who found each other after 22 painful and dysfunctional years apart. The best part of these dreams are that in them we are finally happy.

Then I wake up and I am smacked in the face with the cold hard reality that it was all a dream. I look next to me and you are not there. You were not there last night to hold me and whisper I love you as I drifted off to sleep. You were not there making me feel safe and loved. I sit there and it hits me again like it has every morning that it is all a dream. I am left sitting there with a pain so deep that it brings tears to my eyes. Yes these dreams are beautiful, but they are always heartbreaking and about the things I want so badly that I can taste them, yet I can not have them.

My heart hurts so much because there was a time when you were mine and I foolishly kept letting you get away. You tried to fight it you wanted to stay. You were left hurt and wanting so badly the one person that you knew you were meant to spend forever with. I left you hurting and wanting what you could no longer have and I have been sorry for that every day of my life since then. I should have never let you go!

The first time that I let you get away I knew that I had made a mistake. I wanted you to come back so badly but when I turned around you were gone someone else had captured your heart and I was now left wanting you. It seemed only right that now I was the one left wanting what I could not have.

After two years you finally came back. I was happy for the first time in a long time and I felt whole again, but fate was not kind to us. Unfortunately circumstances got in the way and instead of getting our happily ever after we ended up apart. I was left with a huge hole in my heart where you once were. This time I was consumed by how much I wanted you. I missed everything about you and everything about us. Gone was the man who owned my heart and was born to love me. Gone were the romantic dinners and long walks after holding hands and being in love. Gone were the passionate kisses and the slow dancing on warm, starry summer nights on my parents deck.

Oh how badly I wanted it all back. I hoped and

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