by Helen Kelly

Created on: May 01, 2008

Its funny how important some things are when you are younger. Being accepted, and included is a very important part of finding one's identity . An oxymoron? Yes. How can being accepted enable someone to stand on their own?

The teenage years are the most important time to feel you are "with it". By being left out, or left behind, we feel we are "without it". So important is the need to be included, that some individuals have gone to extreme degrees to express their frustration at not being accepted. (Remember the Columbine shootings? Done by two boys who were not accepted by their peers.) Young people are susceptible to swings of emotion we can only laugh at as adults. Hormones are raging, and friends are our introduction to ourselves. When our friends leave us out, we suffer from a rejection that wounds our fragile ego.

When I was young, I got a car at 16. My buddies and I went every place. Parties, games, dances, concerts.... I felt secure that these were friends who accepted me... until one of them got her own car. Suddenly, I was left out. I wasn't even invited to go along with my friends in their car. I was so hurt. I remember crying about it.... Why? Why did they leave me out? It was a very painful experience.

I pledged to join a social club at my school. The club had been formed as a result of rejection from another club that the kids had tried out for, but hadn't "made it". The club consisted of many members who were part of my social contacts. You know, we hung out together at lunch, etc. To my surprise, I was rejected by the friends that I interacted with on a daily basis. More tears. More esteem issues.

Oddly enough, I started to get to know someone who hung out with a different crowd. They took me into their circle. I pledged their social club the following semester, and was welcomed in with open arms. Suddenly, the tables had turned, for it turned out the club that accepted me was the same club that had rejected my "friends" the year before. Full circle.

I was still smarting from the feelings of being left out by my companions, but by putting myself in another direction, I learned to be a little more flexible. I learned that things work out for the best, and I learned to pick up the pieces and move on.

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