by Happy writer

Created on: May 01, 2008   Last Updated: October 31, 2008

I knew my time had come. No one had to persuade me that I had a drinking problem that I was in fact, an alcoholic. It was as clear as the glass in my hand. The thing was, what was I going to do about it? Should I try just laying off the booze for a while? but hadn't I already done that? Should I change my tipple? to what? I had already given up Jameson and Stoli for white wine. Unless I simply drank non alcoholic beer, which is really very silly, what other choices were left? Could I lock myself away in an Ashram for the rest of my life?..Not really, I am a mother with responsibilities. Could I find comfort and strength in self help books? The mere thought of buying one of those made my blood run cold. There must be an easier softer way...There just must. Let's go through the alphabet, I might come across one...A? B? Wait a minute A? A.A? Alcoholics Anonymous, now there's a thought.

I had no idea what to expect from A.A. I wasn't sure if I would have to climb over kidnapped shopping carts on my in or if I would be sitting next to a man with a long beard specked with crusty vomit. I don't think either of those two scenarios would have disturbed me much at that time because I did know one thing, I needed help and if a man with a long beard with unsightly vomit stuck to it was prepared to help me, I would have listened to him as intensely as I listened to each and every person I came across amongst the fellowship of A.A that first week. All you need, is to be willing and that I am grateful to say, I was.

I cannot express how much appreciation I have for A.A and its' members. When I sit and listen to speakers with 5 - 10 - 15 years of sobriety I am inspired. When I sit and listen to someone with 30 days - 60 days -90 days I am reminded. And when I sit and listen to the alcoholic who had 10 years but relapsed I am warned. There are 12 steps to take yet these are not footprints that wash away once the tide comes in, these are tools for the drunk in order to maintain sobriety. Each one will come as it should, none are forced.

I wonder what it is that keeps me dry, keeps me going back. I have never been one for therapy, I don't need to decipher my past and solve my puzzle. I know who I am. I am someone who has always used drink to self medicate, to take away the pain, to simply not feel. There are all types of drunks; there are the ones that wake up and drink, the ones that don't drink too often but when they do, don't know when to stop. And there are the ones who mirror

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