by Emma Rose

Created on: May 01, 2008   Last Updated: January 01, 2010

Many friends have asked me, after finding out that my boyfriend had cheated on me 4 years into our relationship "How can you trust him again?". The only answer I can honestly give to those questions, is, "I don't know". You can never know or predict when or how your partner will go astray; you can only have faith that you made the right decision to be with this guy, and make the most of it. If the relationship does work out, good, if it doesn't, then shame on me. That's my philosophy. As I once read, Faith is Emotion with the absence of Logic.

Why do people stay with those who have once cheated? Is it because they truly love them? Is it because of the security and companionship? Is it because they are just scared of being alone, after so long? Yes, it may be all of these reasons. But the bottom line is, we do so because the person makes us happy, and we do so because we recognize that the cheater is truly repentant, has been duly punished, and is willing to go through hell and back to make up for all the hurt that he has caused. A favorite movie of mine that alludes to the theme of taking an ex-cheater back is "The Last Kiss", starring Zach Braff as the errant groom who has a fling with the cute and flirty Rachel Bilson just before his marriage. A classic case of cold feet. But the point is, in the end, he realizes that his wife-to-be really is the one for him; he doesn't take the easy route and just carry on with the other girl who's really into him. No, he grovels his way (whilst maintaining just a tiny shred of dignity to preserve his male machismo), however he can, back into his lady love's heart. That includes sleeping outside on the porch for a few days, braving the sun and the rain, until she opens the door for him. And that's kinda the way it should be. Be warned all those cheating guys out there, be prepared to suffer for your love.

Now, I've become a beacon of hope for my friends whose partners have strayed as well. Though I lament my position and wish so much that it needn't be so, I will take the opportunity to spread the message that yes, a relationship can work after one party has cheated, as long as the cheater has paid his dues (a pound of flesh, perhaps?) and you are ready to move on. Sure, there will be baggage for the person who has been cheated on. Anger and jealousy issues, trust issues, these will be exacerbated for a period of time and your partner should be prepared for it. But with continued perseverance and good behavior on his part, these symptoms will ease and your relationship will soon be back on track. My advice for all the girls out there who have been cheated on is, let go of your emotional baggage and don't use the hurt you've endured as a bargaining chip to lord over your man whenever a conflict arises. It is never healthy to carry all that hurt and resentment with you for so long - you will have to let it go at some point in time, when you are ready. Recovery may be a slow and painful process. But be prepared that should you choose to continue with the relationship, it is a stain on your memory that will never be washed away.

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