There isn't a word or phrase that I can use here to describe how proud I am of my Aspergic daughter. Words just simply don't convey my emotion nor does typing at my keyboard give me the ability to lie down on the ground, kick my legs in the air, laugh until I throw up and thank all the Gods and Goddesses for gifting me with such an awesome, spirited child.
This is a Parents story. This is my story.
My daughter was diagnosed with A.S. at just over 9 years of age. Until then it was a battle of wits and wills with authorities, family and friends. I wanted someone, anyone to see and feel what I saw and felt from the time of her birth. I had researched Autism and Aspergers Syndrome endlessly before she was diagnosed and it seemed like I may have to give up many times. But the one thing no-one can take away from a Parent is the overwhelming desire to help their children along the path of success with the tools they have.
When my daughter was born 7 weeks premature I was very ill. I continued to be ill to a greater or lesser extent until just recently. But if it could go wrong at birth, it did. Bar her or I actually shrugging our Mortal Coils, it went wrong. I bled and continued to bleed for a week until I ended up in I.C for a couple of days. Once out I tried to breast feed her but I was too weak at first and this upset me no end. I spent most of the first weeks crying my eyes out at being such a s* mother! I wouldn't let the Nurse Gavage her and did it myself. I learned all I could in order for her to live without the intervention of those whom I already had lost respect for after what I had gone through. We left Hospital 3 weeks after her birth and the moment we got home I knew. I simply knew there was something different. She developed into a healthy and happy baby. She put weight on at a rate of knots and she smiled her first smile at 3 months. Well it WAS a smile and not nappy filling! Her beautiful big black eyes darted everywhere except at me, another thing that worried me. All the daft faces and 'whoops' and 'hollers' in the world couldn't drag her attention away from what she was looking at.
As a baby she would obsess on objects such as Pictures on the wall or the Moon. As a toddler she obsessed about walking sticks, big tummies and Planes. As a pre-teen she obsessed about John Denver (yes I know! SHUSH!) And as a Young Woman she is obsessed with Life, the Universe and all of its nooks and crannies.
It was hard for me to see such obsessions in her when she was young. I thought it was odd and couldn't really see the point of it. Sometimes she had rolling obsessions, first one thing and the next week something else, the next month someone else and the next day a totally different thing and so on.... It bothered the hell out of me that I would have to find the money to finance these obsessions but somehow I did. My family and friends understood to a certain degree what she was like and oftentimes I would be soothed with "but she loves her Planes, there's nothing wrong with her having an interest" And other times it would be "she doesn't play very well with other kids does she?" I would nod in silent agreement but the words fell mostly on deaf ears because I knew in my very core that she was not like other children. I felt that they hadn't taken the time to actually 'see' her. It caused many arguments, most of which I walked away from even though that's not in my nature. I had to walk away, I didn't even know how to argue against such narrow-mindedness. And in truth, exactly what was I going to say anyway? I hadn't a clue what was going on in her mind at that time. What I did know however is that whatever it took I was going to make this a good life for her. And lo-betide anyone who got in my way whilst doing it!
It was heartbreaking to hear Educational Psychologists telling me her cognitive behaviour wasn't up to par, but it excited me to think that here was a being with the most amazing future ahead of her, if only others could have the faith in me that I had in myself to help her on the way. When I told my parents about her being diagnosed Aspi you would think I had just told them that her Brain had migrated to Outer Mongolia! They were mortified and sometimes I wish maybe I hadn't just blurted it out. But the thing is that I was relieved beyond recognition and maybe my words came out a little too happy for them. At this time she was almost living with my parents on account of my various illnesses so they were now worrying about doing the 'right thing' They did. Once we had all sat down and discussed it to the nth degree they understood how I felt and how it wasn't an illness but a condition that a lot of bright and intelligent people have, including Bill Gates! "WOW...who's he?" said mum. "She's going to be the next Bill Gates!" said my father.
Once she was diagnosed all the stops were out for her educational requirements. I had so many meetings, all saying the same thing and in truth I totally lost interest after about the 7th time of being told "She will need more help than other children" Help! Is that all she needed? If that was all then how come I felt like she was about to swim with Sharks? I don't really bother with authoritative figures now unless there is something bothering her at school.
I told my daughter she was Aspergic on her 11th Birthday. I didn't tell her before because I was still getting my own head around it and didn't think she would understand the implications. She simply looked at me and said "well that's ok Mum because that means I'm special" I turned my head away and wept.
Since I told her things have improved a trillion-fold. She now knows why she can't be bothered putting make-up on and she also knows that whatever-his-name is in her class might not go out with her because of her oftentimes obvious difference. She's ambivalent about it now. Takes life in her awkward stride and knows that if her schoolies don't want to know her then it is their loss. Their lives would be even more full and wondrous if they knew how beautiful she really is, inside as well as out. She knows I will help her if she needs help but she has got to the point of making her own mind up. She enjoys her school work and has even started cleaning her own room so she can find her school work! ~faint~
I don't know what the future holds for my precious girl. But whatever it is you can bet I will do my utmost to be there, and will probably have had quite a large hand in it (and a large whisky in my hand!) IF she lets me. I worry about her first love and broken hearts and I worry about her first pregnancy, maybe without me. I lie awake at night fretting over her. I have the most awful nightmares about her, sometimes I can't find her in my dream or I have left her somewhere and I know she won't be able to cope at such a tender age. These nightmares stay with me for days. I buy all her girlie things for her but she has now learned to go into the shop for them herself. There are certain things she has to learn. I will not always be there for her and this makes me so VERY ANGRY! We live in a world of love and it worries me that without that net she will suffer. All these things and more I will worry about until my time is up.
And when she is the next Bill Gates, and she WILL be, I for one will be raining down praise and even more adulation on her. She is at the centre of my Soul and as such my soul will envelope her evermore.