What is a girl to do? You're out of the closet, you're ready to date or try to make new friends within our wonderful lesbian community yet have no idea where to start. Where have all the good girls (Or bad ones depending on your taste) gone? I tried everything when it was my time and I have got to admit it was a horror show. In fact it was so bad I'm surprised I didn't need a twelve step program to get over the devastation.
At first I figured the club scene was the way to go. I was young and I really enjoyed being out so the idea of being in a club full of people like me I assumed would be non judgmental seemed perfect. A few drinks, a little dancing, maybe even a bump into the future love of my life scurrying about somewhere. This was going to be perfect!
The reality was the music was so loud it was tough to hear anyone which made not just ordering a drink tough but actually talking to someone near impossible. Then it seemed like there were at least a half dozen cliques made up of the lipstick lesbians, butch, soft butch, and on and on. Where do I fit in? I think I am type "X", but maybe I'm really "Y", but I'm attracted to type "Z". Where do I go? Even hazarding a guess at that was simple in comparison to actually trying to gain entry to a group. Within each clique were sub cliques of friends and not knowing a soul I was destined to try to work my way into one or just sit on the sidelines. After several weekends of trying at two clubs I gave up. I obviously didn't have the secret password or something yet.
As summer approached I thought Pride would be a great chance to met people but it was more of the same. It was more fun with all the various activities and fresh open air, but still I was woefully alone. I tried meeting people but realized that with the clique factor in full force just as it was in clubs I had to target people on their own and maybe then I'd find someone to just talk to or spend a little time with. By mid afternoon I gave up on that and resigned myself to conversations with vendors and pollsters for my human contact. It certainly wasn't what I planned on and with Pride being only once a year I had to find some way to connect.
I resigned myself to meeting people on line which was an idea I had tried so hard to avoid. I wasn't expecting or looking for love,just someone or several people to hang out with and discuss issues that concerned us. I wanted to meet someone that got "It", whatever it was. My first mistake was trying chat rooms advertised as lesbian on venues like Yahoo and the sort. Before long I realized that a lot of these "People" were actually spam bots advertising their web cam sites or something. Then there was a huge group of men trying to convince me and every other woman we just hadn't met the right man to turn us and they felt they could do the job. If you're not into it "Could you at least talk dirty to me or send me some nude pictures?" It didn't take more than a handful of visits to realize the chances of meeting an actual lesbian were next to zero and it certainly wasn't worth the headache of dealing with the idiot nation.
I focused next on dating sites. There were plenty for sure so I tried free sites and met tons of people which was great. The downside was they lived on the opposite coast, wanted to just trade pictures, or just seemed to fade away as soon as it was realized an actual meeting wasn't going to happen. Let's be honest, how many of us are going to hop on a plane and fly cross country to meet someone just on the off chance that maybe a connection will be made? Even if you do click you still live a country apart which is a huge issue. When it came to local girls it was more of the same. Some were still closeted and feared being outed. I would always say that two women just meeting for coffee or lunch doesn't mean everyone assumes they are lesbians, but rather just friends. My argument fell on deaf ears. Then there were others willing to meet but they just weren't my type or we had nothing in common. Why bother?
Finally I gave up. I just went about living life. I dreamed up schemes to meet women like myself but they all seemed ridiculous. I pondered how much easier life would be if we all wore a bracelet that identified us as lesbians. I reasoned that would be so great as if you just happened to be in the grocery store and saw a woman wearing the bracelet you could easily strike up a conversation with a pathetic opener like "I eat pasta too!" and the planets would align and love would follow. It certainly seemed better than hanging out in the bookstore waiting for someone to inquire where the lesbian erotica section was.
As awful as all of it was I did finally meet someone. We met at the drive thru of a Dunkin' Donuts when she dinged my rear bumper. Who knew the drive thru is where all the action was? Heck I would have gotten proactive and done it a year earlier armed with such information! At first I thought she went out with me so I wouldn't report the incident to insurance, but it turned out we really hit it off. She took me to the club I dreaded after so many dismal attempts and I noticed something weird: When I walked in alone it was as if I had the cooties, but when I went in with Mary it was as if acceptance reigned. I suppose the theory that people in relationships are more attractive is true. Maybe it was that I didn't look like I was on the prowl? Who knows? I just know it was decidedly different.
What I learned from it all is that you can't force something to happen. You can't make people want to hang out with you. My circle of lesbian friends now is huge, if I want to hang out there is always someone I can call I know I'll have a good time with. When my little sister came out and turned legal I took her to the club just in case there was something to that desirability of being with someone theory I concocted. It wasn't necessary, by the time I met her there she was already the belle of the ball. She's still playing the field and doing it well, but as for me, I lucked into the perfect woman by accident and Mary and I have been together for fourteen years. If you really want to find a lesbian with common interests save yourself some time and money and hang around the drive thru, just make sure your auto insurance is paid up!