by Colette Duval

Created on: May 01, 2008

Not wanting to come from a judgmental angle and question the merits of one -night stands per se, I will however question the true success rate of one- night stands. Clearly , one -night -stands have been around as long as humans have and since ' Sex and the City' may as well appear on a restaurant menu alongside the desserts. BUT...by definition a one- night stand should just be that. A self contained, brief sexual encounter with no strings attached. A moment in time disconnected from tomorrow. A meeting of bodies in a melting pot of hormones. Thats it. No more, no less.

However, I doubt very much that this ideal scenario is realistic, and of course I speak as a mature and lightly experienced woman on these matters! Never having been a serial dater or serial one -night - stander may already disqualify me from speaking authoritatively on this issue. What I question is whether a complete body- mind disconnection is possible or whether those involved in one -night stands fool themselves into believing that the sexual encounter of two bodies can lead to a sense of fulfillment once orgasms have been achieved. What happens after? Does one share a cigarette, is there can awkward silence , a sense of emptiness? And if there is ' more', a connection of minds, does this not mean the one - night stand becomes infected with expectation?

This is the dilemma I see. Either make it clear cut, in and out and shut the door. Or admit that very few one -night stands are just that, but are in fact a cover up for more deeply rooted needs. Of course, in our society the hardest thing to admit to is that you may be lonely, or may need someone. So adopting one- night stands as an accepted form of socializing or having sex can make one sound blase , it allows to put on a front which masks real needs.

Having said that, there is nothing wrong with a one- night stand if it involves consenting adults and hopefully safe sex. There is nothing ' wrong' with a quick fix across someone's couch even if same has been worn out by many previous passing visitors. All I'm saying is that body and mind cannot be separated, however much one convinces oneself that it is possible.
Encounter after encounter with people who remain strangers will eventually lead to greater feelings of emptiness, however much this is denied. It's because one-night stands are devoid of anything meaningful, and saying that ' all I want is no -strings- attached' sex ' can only be true some of the time.

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