by Linda Muller

Created on: May 01, 2008

Whether nice guys finish first, last or somewhere in the middle becomes irrelevant unless we first define "nice guy."

Is a nice guy the milquetoast who laments to a woman on their first date - and if he's terribly lucky, on subsequent dates? Is he the uber-polite Eddy Haskell-type with manipulation or worse cursing just below the surface? Or is he someone that you would describe as a truly good person?

If a nice guy is the spineless type who won't share his opinion, discuss opposing viewpoints or stand up for his beliefs, who then follows up with complaints about finishing last or the type who will wear a collared shirt while courting, but strips down to the wife-beater t-shirt once he's landed his mate, then let him finish last. Nice guys aren't sheep. Nor are they wolves in a sheep's clothing. Nice guys perhaps more appropriately should be described as good men.

Nice guys believe in other people, not just women. They desire to make a contribution for the sake of the contribution, not to impress a "girl" or win the favor of her family. Nice guys listen. They ask questions of others and wait for the answer. A nice guy cares how you feel when something good happens as well as when catastrophe strikes. He may not know what to say. He may say the wrong thing. It doesn't matter. The caring is what makes him a good man, not the saying.

Some friends introduced me to a "nice guy" once who from the moment we met did everything he could to impress me. Over-complimenting me on some minor accomplishments, specifically my tasty but not spectacular contribution to our group's potluck, pretending to be an expert at the activity in which we were engaged, chastising me when he found out that I was actually an expert, this supposed nice guy hadn't taken any time to relax and listen so that he could be himself and find out about the people around him. He proceeded to follow that with additional failed attempts to impress. Guys who think they are "nice guys," who feel they are finishing last should ask themselves whether they are trying to make an impression or whether they are being authentic.

Bedsheets will leave an impression on your face if you've slept hard with your cheek pressed into the wrinkles. Impressions are only skin-deep. A nice guy goes deeper than an impression. The authentic behavior of a truly nice guy, a good man, entwines itself in the heart and mind of a good woman, creating significance in her life. The man who acts out of genuine interest in the thoughts, feelings and actions of others causes people to desire to know more about him. He is the real deal. A nice guy. A good man. And there is no way he'll finish last.

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