by Kary Wright

Created on: May 01, 2008   Last Updated: June 21, 2011

After careful study on the subject of the many different types of radio-controlled aircraft (inevitus kaputibus), much consultation with a 50% stakeholder in the family bank account, numerous calculations, categorizations by alphanumeric, wingspan, color and smell, I have simplified the categorization of radio-controlled aircraft down to two main classifications.

1. Those that have crashed.

2. Those that are gonna.

Within those two main classes are several sub-classes:

a) Rotary Wing: of which a prerequisite is a comfortable pair of running shoes, as the new pilot will be required to spend a great portion of his first few flights fleeing from his prized marvel of engineering.

b) Fixed Wing: of which a prerequisite is a comfortable pair of hiking boots, as the new pilot will be required to spend a great portion of his first few flights hiking to find the crash site with bag in hand in search of his prized marvel of engineering's remains.

These wondrous bringers of joy come with trendy terms that further sub-classify them such as:

• ARF - Almost Ready to Fly

• ARC - Almost Ready to Crash

• ACD - Almost Caused Divorce

• POS - self explanatory

• SOB - censored

Within the two main classes you will find that there are gas-powered and electric-powered units. You can tell that you have chosen to enter the gas-powered area of our blissful hobby by a few tell-tale signs:

• Your Suburban is too small to hold the entire entourage necessary to make a successful two minute flight, including but not limited to; aircraft, tool boxes, electric starter, starter battery, glow plug battery, fuel, fuel pump, goggles, rag, more rags, garbage bags, etc., etc., etc.

• Your wife's side of the Suburban has an oil stain on the seat (probable consequences forthcoming from this one) from aircraft. There are oily hand-prints on the steering wheel, door handles, seats, dog, etc., etc., etc.

• There is an oily trail from the garage to where said aircraft is proudly displayed hanging in the living room, directly above imported wool carpet.

If you chose the electric route of the hobby, you may have extended the matrimonial phase of your life by several years. However the radio-control gods aren't through with you yet. It is still entirely possible and even probable to flush several weeks' pay in seconds, and many an electric-aircraft pilot has stood alone in the field with that stunned "WTF?" look on his face, thumbs twiddling

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