Would I rather be good-looking or clever? Can I be rather good-looking and just a little bit clever? Maybe I could be somewhat clever and just a tad good-looking? Well, I guess those probably aren't the rules, so I'm forced to say I'd much rather be good-looking and simple than homely and clever. Now, wait a second! You probably just dismissed me as being incredibly shallow, but give me a chance to explain myself.

First of all, I've come to understand that being attractive on the outside more often than not derives from being beautiful on the inside. It implies health and fitness, and who doesn't want to be healthy and fit? I remember my mom telling me as a lad, "If you don't stop frowning, your face will freeze like that." I wrote it off as mother propaganda and scare tactics, but I've seen too many people with permanent frowns to doubt it any longer. Pretty people seem happy. Note here that I'm not talking about people who attain their looks through surgery, fancy wardrobes or strategic use of cosmetics. I'm talking about those with genuine, unadulterated good looks. Count me among that crowd, please.

I had a friend in college who looked like Brad Pitt, except that this was before anyone had heard of Mr. Pitt. He was a lovable goof ball, not a particularly brilliant student, but a great guy to hang around. In social situations, while the rest of us young men scrambled to find a clever come-on, women would invariably approach him. That's because average-looking people want to be with someone beautiful, and attractive people do too. How would you feel if your significant other said, "I think you're quite clever." It's a nice compliment, but who wouldn't rather hear, "You are so incredibly gorgeous." Being told that you're beautiful speaks straight to the heart.

Imagine that you're single (if you aren't), and you're lingering around the grocery store, trying to figure out what sounds good for dinner. An average person approaches you to talk. He or she turns out to be a fantastic conversationalist. Numbers are exchanged. A few minutes later the same scenario plays out, with one vital difference. This time your new friend is an average conversationalist, but is drop dead gorgeous. About whom are you smiling more as you exit the store, provided your inflated ego doesn't get you stuck in the door? Suffice it to say, no one ever says, "I met someone drop dead clever today."

Finally, being clever is vastly overrated. I've spent my entire life trying to be smarter, to be more clever. The greater my knowledge, the more I realize how little I know. Thinking too much can ruin so many things. I remember rolling on the ground as a child, laughing, playing with my dog's litter of puppies, letting them lick my face and nibble on my ears. Now I'm too clever for that. I can only think of bacteria in the saliva and the mud that might get on my shirt. No, give me back the innocence, the simple-mindedness, the health and the laughter. People used to say I was a good-looking kid. I like the sound of that.

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