by Ann E. Smith

Created on: April 30, 2008   Last Updated: October 31, 2008

My name is Estella M. and I am a grateful recovering alcoholic. Since April 1, 2006, my life has drastically changed, as that was the day I quit drinking. My love/hate relationship with alcohol was finally over!

I drank my first drink when I was sixteen at a small gathering. I still remember the effect of that beer on me! While my same-age friends were acting giggly and keeping to themselves, I enjoyed talking to the slightly older people who had bought us the beer. My ability to charm had become effortless, as evidenced by the fact that I was receiving compliments galore. My relationship with booze had started, just like that, and it would last for close to 20 years.

My final experiences with drinking, however, were far different. What had once heightened my senses was now killing my soul. Instead of smiling freely when drinking, as had been the case for many years, I now felt depressed while consuming alcohol as well as the next day. Liquor seemed like poison. Many troubling things happened. Some times I had to write myself notes before going to bed. These notes would serve as reminders the next morning as to how I got home. Scarily, I often could not remember certain conversations as blackouts were becoming more frequent.

After many tries and much soul searching, I gave up drinking cold turkey. While I did not participate in a 12-step program, I am a huge fan of of recovery programs and would highly recommend them.

What can I say about that my new life? Well, the best part is I can live in truth as I am no longer living a double life. I am now aware at all times of what I am doing and saying. I never have to wake up with a hangover again or use drops to mask bloodshot eyes. My light is now allowed to shine again, enabling me to help others and be open to life. What a blessing, one for which I am grateful each day.

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