by Huckster

Created on: April 30, 2008

Santa Receives a Letter

The day started out as usual in our preparations for Christmas: after breakfast I stopped by the workshops to see how productions were going; checked with the purchasing/receiving managers to see if I had to make any runs for supplies; then checked with the warehouses to make sure all the finished goods were still safe and sound; and finally I paid a visit to the stables and quonset to make sure transportation was ready on a moment's notice.

As was my usual weekday morning routine, I returned to the house again and prepared to read the mail. I went back to the dining room and checked up on the latest news while I waited. Over the years I found that it's wise to keep abreast of current events and states of affairs around the world. I'm a relatively fast reader, so I finished the papers just before my assistant, Quin, towed in the some bags of mail. The bags came from several countries, including a couple from the U.S.

What made this morning different was the content of the first letter I pulled out of a bag. There was the usual delivery of 10 to 20 thousand letters all addressed to me, and this was on top of the incredible amount of email I now received. Unfortunately this particular letter caused me more disturbance than one of those, "impossible requests," letters written by a child.

The heading and inside address read:
Federal Bureau of Investigation
Pennsylvania Ave & 9th St. NW
Washington, D.C., 20535

Santa Claus (Aliases: Kriss Kringle, St. Nick)
1225 Wonderland Lane
North Pole, Earth 0X90

It struck me as peculiar that this had to be the first one. I hadn't frozen time yet, so I put the letter down. Opening the security pouch on my belt I took out my magic stop watch. I turned the safety winder and pressed the stop button, freezing all of time. This gave me time to read through each and every letter as I always did. With the watch back in its pouch I took braced myself for the worst and read on.

Mr. Claus:

We have accumulated reports implicating your subversive activities. Currently we are in the process of compiling evidence to prove your guilt. Should such activities continue, we will be compelled to arrest you or shoot you down. Be forewarned to cease such activities as per enclosed in this notice.

Our files show that you have engaged in the following suspicious activities:...

The rest of the letter described the accusations the FBI made about my committing misdemeanors, felonies and terrorist acts. It finished off with a threat of sending

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