by Judi Marcus

Created on: December 14, 2006   Last Updated: April 23, 2007

So often we're afraid to try to talk to our spouse in person fearing we will start fighting again. It seems easier to write to each other using email (which is pitiful)that's truly a shame. We manage to resolve one problem peacefully, soon arguing about something else. Bickering seems to creep into our relationships, when it gets worse over the years, it makes us wonder if this is how we want to spend the rest of our lives, is this person right for me? Then there are the days, weeks and sometimes months when we feel as though we are walking on egg shells. Should we continue our almost daily spats, or not speaking to each other, or pretending things are ok? We say things we soon regret and hear things that become deeply etched in our minds and heart.

Separating is a choice we can make, at least for the time being. If at all possible, it's better to stay as incommunicado as possible, for a while and make the separation a true experiment in living without one another.

I honestly don't think that just one person is to blame for all of marital problems, but together when you combine to form a combustible mixture that blows up more and more frequently, the bad times begin to outnumber the good. That starts to affect both parties outlook on life, together and apart.

When this is happening, life can feel as though we're on a roller coaster, all the ups and downs, we keep trying and finding ourselves back at the start or at the end of the ride again and again. We make an effort to resolve things, it may work for a while but in time, we just end up flinging insults and hurting each other again. From time to time we try to make amends and make things better, but nothing seems to work.

Every coin has a flip side, blaming the other person isn't the answer. The truth is that both parties are at fault; both parties are as much to blame for their problems. An unhealthy relationship isn't good for either person. That is when it's time to step away and try to discover how you feel about your future, together or alone?

Separation help us determine if we are to go our separate ways, then we can have that conversation honestly and amicably.

It's a terribly difficult situation.

Learn more about this author, Judi Marcus.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.