by Robin Wilder

Created on: April 29, 2008

I believe my inner voice is schizophrenic. Sometimes she is my best friend and some times she can be cruel. She is selfish but doesn't think so. She is right until proven wrong. I've tried to fight her or quiet her down, it's almost impossible. It seems the more I try to quiet her the louder she gets.

I often wonder if I'm the only one? Or are all of us running around with an obnoxious little demon in our heads? Well I sure hope so! If not then I was just joking... I don't have an inner voice. She is complicated and stubborn but can be loving and fun too. Sometimes she's that little girl who had to grow up way too fast and then suddenly she stands up for herself.

She's a loner so there are no other voices around. She has big dreams while maintaining her deep beliefs in harsh reality. She has a big heart but doesn't want anyone to know. She's afraid of letting people in but it's what she wants most. She will put trust in someone firmly believing they will disappoint her. She wants a better world but has invested nothing to ensure it.

Mostly she's unconfident and shy with short gleaming moments of good self esteem and bravery. She's witty and charming but unsure of it. She's quietly judgmental but not without guilt. She has little patience for ignorance and even less tolerance for smart asses.... Unless of coarse it is her own smart ass practicing ignorance.

I'm not sure if she is good, bad or just messed up. Although she's not the best for my self esteem with all that "Your not good enough" talk, but I believe I would miss her if she was gone. She's become like a bad friend who always talks you into something ridiculous. And over the years I believe we might be coming to an understanding. I think she may be listening. Realizing and understanding that I want to be a better person. I don't want to blame or hold grudges anymore. I don't want to always look at the world through negative eyes.

Or maybe she is tired as well. Tired of hating and blaming. Tired of wasting her life for no good reason. Maybe she realized there is no good reason. She might want to laugh more. Hopefully she finally realized that the more love you give the more love you will get. She probably got tired of hiding behind herself. It must be that she is beginning to see that she is worth it...I hope so...Wow my inner voice is eerily similar to myself

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