by Maggie Goins

Created on: April 29, 2008   Last Updated: April 30, 2008

Babies, impossibly tiny, some so sick people run and jump through hoops of fire to keep them alive. Machines chime and beep. Strangers come and go, caring for a baby who should be safe in a mother's womb. Night comes. Parents go somewhere to sleep or cry. This is the NICU, an unexpected first home.

Before the reality of it all has set in, a mother is ready to go home. As a nurse, my heart mourns with the parents who need to leave their baby in the hospital. I imagine their confusion and pain as they stand at home in an empty nursery, staring at the crib they fixed up just so. I never truly felt the hurt of it, though, until I had to leave my grandson in a NICU, hooked to tubes and machines I knew only too well.

Anger. Fear. Resentment. All visit the NICU over time. We watch for them. The preemie roller coaster ride begins. The strongest of all parents soar with hope and crash with disappointment as their baby progresses ahead- like everyone said they would- only to slip back farther than before. Parents wonder why their real baby, the one they had been dreaming of, didn't come.

There are as many different kinds of nurses as there are families. Some times conflict happens. Miscommunication occurs. It is like anywhere, any job in that way. But know it is so much more. Those of us who take care of the smallest, sickest babies don't just come to work. The responsibility of the health and development of our little patients is huge enough to become a part of us. We love them and take care of them for you, with you. We will help you face what comes, teach you what to do.

Time to be a real family is close when the tiny babies grow big enough to be in a nursery crib, to breast feed or bottle feed every time. The babies are gaining weight. They breathe as they should, have hearts not too fast or too slow. Parents, in a state of joyful anxiety, bring in baby clothes, handmade blankets, and stuffed toys.

Not all, of course, but some parents say good-bye to us with a touch of sadness. They promise they will come visit and send us pictures, and so many do.

The day finally arrives, and another baby, big enough and well enough, leaves to join a waiting family. The NICU was just an unexpected stop along the way.

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