by Christine Christensen

Created on: April 29, 2008

I'm an older first time Mom; I'm going to be 40 this month. That means when Jack is 25 years old, I will probably be kicking him out of the house and moving into a retirement community. Since I have so many years of wisdom behind me I thought this was going to be one of the simpler new endeavors of my life. I have watched my friends bring up their children; I have even offered them advice. I certainly could pick a bad parent from a mile away and I was pretty sure that I was going to be an above average one.

I just didn't know what I didn't know. Anyone who has children knows what I am talking about, and if you don't, there is nothing I can tell you that will prepare you for this life changing event. I guess the reason this new job is so challenging is emotional attachment. There is no other job in the world that can entangle someone in such an emotional way. It starts the minute you first see your child. Love like you have never felt before just courses through your veins. The last thing you want to do is cause harm to this beautiful little person who is so reliant on you.

I remember being a very capable and efficient person with a healthy dose of common sense to round it all out. I did practically everything by gut check, if it felt right, I just plunged right in. Now, I can't even decide what a healthy meal is, what temperature is right for bathing or what to do for a mosquito bite. I second guess everything and read as much as I can fit into one day. Am I reading enough to the baby? Are the pictures in this book stimulating enough? Should I be sitting on the floor playing with him or should I be giving him his space? It really doesn't end. Its all due to the that emotional attachment, and the pressure that you only have one shot at infancy, toddler hood and so on, all the way up to the college years. I know somehow that if I don't explain everything about cooking dinner to him while he is sitting in his high chair watching me that he will be behind everyone in his kindergarten class.
I never would have believed that I would find this so difficult, after all people have been doing this since the beginning of time. But not everyone has done it as good as I am going to do it. I think.

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