by Willie Mann

Created on: April 29, 2008   Last Updated: October 31, 2008

So much contradictory information has been written in the past couple of decades on the right way to parent your child or children, that a novice in the parent game can easily become confused and totally ineffectual. The truth to the mandated rules of good, healthy parenting- whatever they are at the moment, are that there are none...........there are no black or white maxims that are consistently effective. Each child is his or her own completely original entity, with separate, individual and fully unique characteristics, and qualities. It is with this knowledge and good solid work at trying to understand each child's proclivities, that a parent will gain a glimpse into the correct and healthy way to encourage, guide, love and discipline their offspring. As a parent of 8 children in total...........2 birth sons, an adopted son and daughter, 2 step daughters and 2 step sons, I have learned all that I know........with much more to come, the hard way, by old fashioned trial and error.

What made, for instance, my daughter as a newborn and infant push away and consequently scream at anyone who held her too close or attempted a snuggle for more than a minute while, two of my sons and another daughter loved and flourished in being touched, kissed and snuggled. The differences between all children are instinctive and uncompromising and what works for one may most certainly not work for another.

This basic truth I learned when our fifth child, the only one to have the traditional " tantrum", did not respond to my usual manner of discipline- first, a warning, then time out- either in a chair or in a corner and then lastly and always the sure deal closer.. the withering look, accompanied by the shout. With this tantrum inspired child, none of the above parental actions seemed to work; , infact, on some occasions and in retrospect, I think these responses on my part worsened the situation. I slowly incorporated a nonchalant form of ignoring and then the unannounced removal of privileges and treats. By unannounced, I mean the non threat of such an action, as making a threat of some future punishment would most likely cause a continuation of the tantrum. Once the scene had been turned down several notches to an almost normal range and the child wanted something in the category of a privilege or a treat, I would then calmly explain in an age appropriate way why I could not give it, based upon the tantrum. Finally something seemed to actually work and the tantrums vanished, almost completely.

My best and probably only truly responsible advice I could offer any parent or parent to be who is wrestling with the idea of effective parenting and discipline is to act upon one's own true and somber instincts, take all advice with a huge grain of salt and to always, always be consistent. Other than that I wish you all the best of luck and Godspeed.

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