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Humor: Finding bugs in the house

by Dominic Wells

Created on: April 29, 2008

I had been living in Taiwan for about three weeks when I discovered the woes of living in a humid country. Upon waking up one morning, I found myself to have a new-title. I was no longer 'Just another foreigner living in Taipei', No! I had been promoted, I now had the wonderful title 'The Lord of the Flies'. Oh what a glorious day it was. I said hello to my minions. I had a good three dozen of the beautiful little flies parading around my room, waltzing to the glory of their new master. I took a shower, and they stood watch outside the bathroom, nice diligent servants. I did my hair in the mirror, they sat on the glass, telling me I looked beautiful, then I got dressed and left the flat, ready for a day at work. "Don't worry Boss, we'll still be here when you get back! It's nice and warm in here and there's plenty of food in your trash. We noticed you haven't sorted your recycling out properly so we'll mark the stuff you need to throw out by swarming it for you". Like I said, nice servants of mine.

Upon returning home from work I was confused, a little upset, they said they'd be waiting for me, where have they gone? I didn't leave the window open, then again, the window had been closed when they first appeared. To my relief, it turned out they were just playing a nice game of hide n seek with me, they were there, all fifty of them, and they had been breeding too. Very thoughtful of them to try and preserve my kingdom. Anyway, I went to bed with my minions surrounding me, basking in the glory of my title.

When I woke up the following morning, I had four bites on my ankle. This could not be right. This is treason! Why would they do something like that? Had I not given them food? comfort? somewhere to live and breed? Apparently their increase in numbers had gone to their heads. They wanted the kingdom for themselves. The 'Lord of the Flies' was under threat from 'The Republic of The Fly'. Civil war broke out. I was outnumbered and out-gunned. How was I supposed to bite that many flies back in return? I made a tactical retreat, they mocked me as I fled the flat, ran down the road, into the ever open and slightly badly named 7/11 where I recruited some mercenaries in a can. Together we stormed the flat, I shook up the can, rallying the mercenaries inside. And with the press of a button, I gave the order to attack. The mercenaries were ruthless. The flies were dropping like...flies. In an instant I went from 'The Lord of The Flies' to a serial killer, a mass murderer, but a victor nonetheless. The civil war of the 4th floor was over. And I sat down, observed the battleground, and mourned the loss of my kingdom. I also threw away that bloody trash.

Learn more about this author, Dominic Wells.
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