by Heidi Delane

Created on: April 29, 2008

Just when I think I am at the end of my rope, I can take no more, I think of my family. My family is so very important to me, although we are spread across the nation. My family, with all their dysfunction, has oddly served it's function for me. My family is full of love of all levels and understanding and general confusion with regard to my life.

In particular, my Aunt P. My Aunt P means more to me than she will likely ever realize. She is the one person who I could tell my darkest secret, and it would never be met with judgment, misunderstanding, or drama, but merely a knowing nod. She's been there. She's felt like this too. She may not have the answer, but she has a glass of wine and undivided attention. My heart is broken.... hers has also been. My mind is angry....as well it should be she says! My soul is lost and frightened...and she will help me find it.

Our lives, Aunt P and mine, have been a bit parallel in many ways. She was the wild one with the wild hair, so was I. She was the one to move away from home so young, so was I. She has my high energy, or rather I have hers, and our propensity for constant involvement in life is similar. "Life is a contact sport after all!" and we dissolve into loud, ridiculous gales of laughter.

Our highs and lows seem to have been particularly high, and contrastingly low. I guess that just means we are living our lives to the fullest, without restraint, safety nets, or tolerance for mediocrity. We giggle too loud, we cry too hard, we get frustrated trying on bikinis like women everywhere. But when we love, we LOVE BIG and true, and when we don't, we leave. It's as simple as that.

Her life has been a map for me, her love a guiding light. She is my lighthouse even when she is far away, and I hope that my life will be a beacon as she has been to me. There is nothing more important than a light in the darkness. My wish is to be that lighthouse for someone else, to be the map that alerts of treasure ahead, deep waters behind and hope on the horizon.

And so my hope is that my Aunt P, who must have been my sister in a former life, will know how much I love...., no....LOVE her, big and true as the blue Colorado sky.

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