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How long is "never"?

Just after my son was born (he's 21 now) I became a member of Weight Watchers. A year of diligent diet and exercise got me down to my goal weight and I became a lifetime member. This is something most people would find very hard to believe as they look at me now 60kgs overweight.

So many years have gone past. So many Mondays that I've started a new diet, only to have my plans fall apart by, oh, about 3:00 Monday afternoon. So many walks that I've had with my buddy, the two of us puffing round the oval, telling each other how good we'll look by summer. So many summers where I've looked at those cute, skimpy little clothes, yearning to wear them. Knowing that I'd be laughed out of the shop if I went in there. "You must be joking. There's nothing in here that's your size."

I've gone back to Weight Watchers so many times, thinking each time that I'll be able to recapture the magic. I've bought pills and patches and potions that were all supposed to make me lost 20lbs in a week. I've joined gyms and I've had personal trainers and I've walked and walked and walked.

I've looked in shop windows and done that imaging thing where you see yourself thin. I've visited online fashion sites and thought how I'd look wearing this or that. From time to time I've managed to delude myself so thoroughly that I've actually gone into shops and picked some garment that really appealed to me and taken it to the changing room. The humiliation of pants that I can't get past my knees. The frightening straight-jacket feel of a top binding my arms so that I'm afraid I'm going to need help getting it off.

and yet I keep trying.

Sure, I've told myself I'm going to lose weight. Okay, so I was still fat and forty. Yeah, and I was fat and fifty, too, but maybe, just maybe, I'll be sexy and sixty. Slim and seventy.

You see, I've made myself this promise of slimness and I haven't managed to keep it, but I only haven't managed to keep it SO FAR. I'm not dead yet, so there's still hope for me. And there's still hope for you. I hope your promise comes true someday too.

Learn more about this author, Amanda Le Bas De Plumetot.
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