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This weekend, I watched three movies. DAY OF THE DEAD (2008) was by far the absolute worst of them.

It's a good thing that George Romero is alive. If he were dead, he would likely turn into a zombie just to come back to the world and kill every person that was responsible for this pathetic attempt at a remake and probably every person that watched it just to ensure that this movie would not have any sort of future.

I have long since come to terms with the idea of the fast zombie, despite its obvious medical difficulties. But at what point did the George Romero zombie turn into Spiderman? In one scene in the hospital, a fast zombie turns a corner, jumps onto the ceiling and runs across the ceiling on all fours for 5-7 steps before jumping back down to the floor to cut off its prey. Wait, what? This is not RESIDENT EVIL, this is THE DEAD series. The monsters in RESIDENT EVIL are a different world unto themselves with their own creation and why they are what they are.

And when did these Spiderman zombies become so flamable? At one point, several zombies are in a fire and their heads explode. Yes, they just explode. At another point, they are completely disintegrated into ash. Because that's what happens, right?

Anyway, DAY OF THE DEAD follows a small group of military and scientists locked away in an underground bunker where they study... wait, no I got it wrong. Or more accurately, I got it right. This movie that was released in 2008 should never have been allowed to carry the same title.

Let's start over. DAY OF THE DEAD SORT OF is a movie that follows CPL. Sarah Bowman who is played by Mena Suvari. You may remember Mena from AMERICAN BEAUTY, which coincidentally is playing right now. She is about as believable as a hardcore soldier as I (a 30 year old, chubby, balding man) would be playing Jenna Jameson.

Before we move on, we also have to note the brilliant casting of Nick Cannon as Salazar who is also in the military. I don't remember his rank but I assume it must be a high Private or Specialist because Sarah is his superior. I really want to say that the mention of Nick Cannon as "brilliant" is purely sarcastic, but I can't. As pathetic as this little pop star is in this role, he is pretty much the only soldier that even remotely appears to be a soldier, with the possible exception of Ving Rhames. Ving pretty much phoned this role in and he only gets any soldier credit because of his size and low voice.

Sarah is attached to the unit that is responsible for the full

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