by Diana Dunham

Created on: April 28, 2008   Last Updated: June 03, 2008

The first and most important tip for helping a child deal with divorce is to make the child aware that the divorce is not because of anything they may have done. That they are a product of the love you once shared and you will always love them and they will always play a role in your life. Do not, I repeat, do not discuss the divorce around them or involve them in aspects of the divorce. They must be assured at all times that they are loved and that your love for them will not waiver once their parents are divorced.

Children are not naive and will sense undercurrents between their parents. It is best to tell them that mom and dad are going through a divorce but that it is grown up talk and that they will be involve in only those aspects of the divorce that pertain to them. And that is when, where and how they will see their parents.

A child is not a pawn to be thrown back and forth where child support is concerned. Your child does not need to know any of the facts surrounding the issue of child support, only that he will be provide for by both his parents.

You can involve your child in so far as his social calendar might be concerned so the child knows that his parents will still be at those events. If one parent is moving far away, a schedule can be worked on as to when the child will see the parent.

At all cost, try to agree on as much as possible concerning your child. Remember your child did not ask to become a child of a divorced parent. This child cannot be used as a bargaining chip.

Be sure that the child has a place to call home in both parent's home. Your child should be allowed to bring things back and forth from either home, be allowed to have friends stay at either home and various rituals should be maintained. Don't be afraid to start new rituals and take a cue from your child. They only want to spend time with you and know that they are loved. Don't plan outside activities in the hopes of keeping them busy so they don't ask questions. They are going to have questions and they have a right to answers. It isn't what you say but how you say it. Remember as much as you may be angry at their mom or dad, this is still their mom and dad and they love them. Keep your opinions about the divorce, your spouse, child support, etc to yourself. Just continue to impress upon your child how much you love them and that they aren't the reason for the divorce.

Of course a child may also not wish to spend time with a parent that has recently moved out. Rather than agreeing

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