by Sharon Elizabeth

Created on: April 28, 2008   Last Updated: January 09, 2009

When my step-daughter was 8 years old, she came home from school upset because she was the only one in her class who had divorced parents and a step-parent. I was astounded. Her class certainly beat the odds for divorce and remarriage in this country.

Nationwide, approximately half of first marriages end in divorce and three quarters of all divorced people remarry, according to the 1990 census-the most recently available statistics. According to statistics on The Step-family Association website, 65% of all remarriages involve children from prior marriages creating step-families. The Step-family Association defines step-families as those households in which one or both of the adult partners bring children from a previous relationship into a combined family.

So, what do these statistics imply for step-families in this country? Many families have or will experience divorce and remarriage. Still there remains a belief in this country that the traditional family is the preferred family structure. Even widely used terms, such as "intact families" as a synonym for "traditional families" infer that any other family structure has to be broken. This consensus about traditional families is actually an important barrier that could be preventing step-families from getting the help that they need.

"People think that step-families should work like a traditional, nuclear family," says Carol Wichers, a therapist specializing in working with step-families. "This includes a lot of therapists who don't get it. They don't get how complicated step-families are." This creates gaps in community resources and in training within many of the systems that can best be of help to families-religious congregations, the therapeutic community, family community centers and the school system.

Many more step-families exist than the data reveals. The statistics collected by the 1990 census, did not account for partners who are not married or for those families in which the non-custodial parent has remarried. Demography experts have predicted that if those numbers are taken into account, about 30 percent of children under age 18 and two thirds of women in the United States are likely to spend time in a step-family.

Relationship Obstacles

It is important to outline just how complicated step-families are in order for these families to normalize the challenges and to know when to seek help. There are many relationship obstacles that are especially challenging and can prevent step-families from succeeding.

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