by Divya

Created on: April 28, 2008   Last Updated: June 03, 2008

Children deal with too many things these days, and divorce is an obstacle that many children will face. Although parents cannot and should not negotiate with their children regarding divorce, some parents fall into the trap of pulling their kids into "siding" with them. This is not the approach we want to take, but rather, are forced to take when helpless. The best way to help your kids deal with divorce is to follow and stick to a plan of open communication. The best way to deal is just that: DEAL.

Discuss: Having an open discussion with your child establishes trust - this is necessary. In a world where Mom and Dad are no longer together, your child may no longer trust either of you, and may even foster a ill-feelings toward one or both parent(s). It is important to discuss feelings, rational, and relevant reason with your child as to why this option was chosen. Parents must emphasize that although the family structure has changed, the function of the family as a basis of love and support for the child will not change.
Equality: If you are the parent with custody, you should by no means undermine the other parent. As parents, both have an equally important relationship with your child and are both responsible for instilling ethical, emotional, and social qualities which your child embodies. When possible, both parents should be equally involved in the overall growth of the child and support and guide them accordingly. Although this is not always the case, however, if one parent is solely responsible now, they avoid discriminating or devaluing the other parent. Your child is aware of everything you say or do, and your words and actions can take a toll on them emotionally. Children need their space to grow and so do you. After divorce it is essential that both you and your child balance coping, healing and positive strategies when dealing with divorce.
Adjust: This is probably the hardest thing to do. But it is inevitable that adjustments must be made. Both you and your child are in a different playing field - the rules and the teams have changed.
Learn: This is a growing process. An unhappy time is a time to reflect and learn about yourself and your child. Encourage yoru child to learn as well, so that healing may take place.

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