by Peter S. Ng

Created on: April 28, 2008

I want to be a little bolder and examine the responsibilities of fatherhood from the perspective of a single parent. There are already many women out there who play the roles of both the mother and the father. So why not single dads? Let's face it, in this day and age; most fathers do more than to just provide room and board for their children. Gone are those days when fathers are the only bread winner in the family who often have to work long hours. That took away the opportunities to spend more quality time with their children. However, in today's society, most men play an equal, if not more active role than their spouses in rearing their children. Generally speaking, men are now more proficient in addressing the needs of their children because they have more practice and there is less of a need to put up a macho image when it comes to caring for their children.

I remember being the first one to cut my son's nails not too long after he was born so that he would not scratch his face. My wife had a C-section at the time so I was also the first one to change my son's diaper and the first to give him a bath. I don't think I thought twice about what the nurse told me I had to do for the baby because he was my son. There was no cringing at the sight of diapers, feeding him or handling him. I am sure a lot of fathers out there would feel the same way. Now, with my daughter, that was more of a challenge because all that girl stuff was new to me. It took me some time before I could get her hair in a decent ponytail when I could no longer lean on my wife to take care of that stuff. I am sure there are a lot more of things that would be a struggle for me in taking care of my daughter.

How many times have you looked at your son or daughter and recognized certain character straits in them that you also possessed, even at an early age. Those character straits are what fathers pass onto their sons and daughters, whether or not those may or may not be necessarily what you want your son or daughter to possess. I am occasionally reminded of that fact by my son. My only course of action is to correct him and to remind myself to set a better example for him. I don't believe in such a thing as a perfect parent. We all make our share of mistakes in raising our children. We are, after all, human.

Having said all that, what exactly is a father's responsibility in raising a child? Why, no different from that of the mother's. It is just that when both parents are around, the responsibilities should be or could be equally shared. Granted, in some aspects, one parent might be better in some areas than the other spouse. So what if you are a single dad having to raise your kids on your own? Everything comes from the heart. That is the key to raising your children - heart. What you don't know you can learn. Whatever mistakes you make in judgment you can learn from. If you care enough by spending quality time with your kids and be there for them when they need you, then that's all they can ask of you. By spending quality time with them, you are in fact nurturing them and providing guidance for them. You are their sounding board and I don't know how I can stress this to parents the best thing you can ask for from your children is to have them feel totally comfortable speaking to you.

Finally, how many times have you looked at your son or daughter and said - yeah, that's my kid and a smile breaks out because you are so proud of them. That is when you truly know that you have fulfilled your responsibility as a father.

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