by Rene Barrett Ward

Created on: April 27, 2008   Last Updated: May 21, 2010

The process of divorce can be a physically and mentally draining event. It not only effects the two primary individuals entering into the divorce, but all others who have an emotional bond to the married couple. The impact can be especially harsh for children. It gives them a sense of insecurity, and the realization that living life is rarely as simple as loving each other. When children are involved, divorcing parents should focus less on the division of property and more on the well-being of the children. Helping a child heal from a divorce can be a long process, and should be handled with great care and patience. Every child responds differently to divorce, depending on how they perceive their new circumstances. Parents should try various methods to best help their child cope and enter back into a healthy frame of mind.

Each parent spending time with the child can help reinforce the parent-child bond. It lets the child know that just because Mom and Dad won't be together anymore, there will still be a place for him in both parent's lives. Use this time two talk with your children, and answer any questions they may have. Encourage your child to vent any concerns they may have. Children have very active imaginations and could unknowingly see the situation in an entirely different light than his parents.

Showing due respect to a child is imperative during a divorce. Treating a child as a mere trophy to be won or an object to be bartered with is selfish and cruel. Continuing to make decisions regarding your child, and setting rules together reinforces the boundaries that were set before the marriage. Children should not be given the false impression that it is alright to play one parent against the other.

If a child is having trouble coping with the divorce and has a problem communicating with a family member, parents should consider other alternatives. Some family court systems offer parenting classes to help parents better communicate with their children after a divorce.
A few areas even make these classes mandatory before a divorce becomes final. Many schools now offer counseling to children of divorce. Some offer one on one counseling, while others provide a group setting. Both give the child a safe environment to express their emotions. Group therapy also gives the child an opportunity to see how other children work through their issues with divorce.

Regardless of the circumstances, children of divorce need and deserve all of the love and security their family can offer. Deciding to divorce due to a lack of compatibility or differences of opinion does not give a parent the right to come between their child and the other parent. When at all possible, children need the impact of both parents in their life. It should be every parents desire that their children lead more fulfilling lives than they did. Being a good example to your child is a great way to start.

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