by Great Mind

Created on: April 27, 2008

The topic here might be better worded as "raising boys without males." Because at least by my proudly old-school compass, the definition of a "Man" demands a lot more than the subject being born with a penis and a weekly date with Monday Night Football.

When a woman finds herself raising a boy or boys without any real involvement from the biological father, it too often signals other significant shortfalls in baby daddy's sense of responsibility. Can anyone say "deadbeat?" There. I knew you could.

And should the sperm donor be well-off enough to shut mommy up with the occasional check while still affording the son or sons little more than the even more occasional phone call, he's a deadbeat, too. Because financial attentiveness may well smooth the adult-to-adult aspect of these tortured, broken family "arrangements," but they can in no way replace emotional attentiveness, nor encourage a broken-hearted six year olds' understanding when the birthday card doesn't come or the mentally reserved seat at the school play remains empty. So let's run though this, shall we?

A "man" keeps his word.

A man lives up to his hunt-and-gather responsibilities.

A man keeps a loving and protective watch over his family, even should circumstance dictate he must watch from afar.

A man treats all women with respect and the woman who has mothered his children, obviously well after any and all romantic feelings have flamed-out, like an important business associate.

A man obeys the law of the land because his own internalized laws are far more strict to begin with.

A man leaves no one dependent upon him behind.

A man shows his son, in practice and words, what being a man is really about.

I have known women who've managed to grow bigger, bolder "sets" than the men, or rather the males, that are no longer a genuine part of their lives; and more poignantly no real part of the lives of the sons those males have fathered. And while at least some manly influence is usually available in the form of coaches, teachers, friends and relatives, such a woman does NOT need the presence of a guy whose chromosomes may conclusively indicate Male Of The Species but whose behaviors indicate anything but true manhood.

These are the mothers who will raise Men, man-of-the-house around or not.

And sadly, in so many cases, "not" is the better option.

Learn more about this author, Great Mind.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.