by James Smart

Created on: April 27, 2008

"See that?" my Uncle said to me pointing at the top of his bald head, "That's a solar panel for a sex machine!" Well I guess that's one way of looking at it. It is said that baldness is a sign of virility and I expect it was a bald man who made this "discovery". the funny thing is hair continues to grow like wild-fire everywhere else and so if women are attracted to men who resemble apes with big pink hairless heads then that can only be good thing. I have to shave the tip of my nose every so often - I just hope the palms of my hands don't start growing hairs too. Yes, I am going bald. The first signs of denial was when I had a crew-cut at about age twenty and there were a couple "light" patches either side of the top of my fore-head. Since then my fore-head has grown. Now at age thirty-six I tend to pick up the nick-name "Conehead". I didn't accept that I was losing my hair until my late twenties, and now I am glad to still have at least some hair on top of my head. Because I am taller than average I can get away with the impression that I have more hair than I really do. There's this little island of hair at the front of my head which is increasingly getting more cut off from the rest of my thinning hair. I never knew my hair could give a demonstration in coastal erosion. One thing I have noticed is that men who go bald tend to compensate by growing elaborate contraptions on their faces. Me included at times. Going bald tells you you're growing old. It is time to cast off the youthful vanities and just be glad that you're wife loves you, the shiny-headed monkey that you are. No more bad-hair days. One less thing to worry about in life. You can take up a new hobby such as preening your handle-bar mustache, or platting your goatee. You can paint a portrait of your face on top of your head so that when you nod off at board meetings everyone thinks you're still awake. You could tattoo a life sized brain on your head and scare kids when you answer the door at Halloween. A bald head opens up new possibilities. I am not that bald yet, and I am hoping I can hang on to my hair a bit longer and make the most of the little I've got.

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