by PC Marks

Created on: April 27, 2008   Last Updated: October 31, 2008

Grandma was in a nursing home the last two years of her life. In the beginning I visited twice a week, then once a week. With a failing marriage of my own along with young adult children, growing pangs and separation anxiety, I became withdrawn visiting on holidays only because her daughter (my mother) was sending her a plate.

Even then I would balk when asked to drive it to her. Once I got to the home I enjoyed a peaceful dinner talking and laughing about old times. She may have been wheel chair bound and wearing adult diapers due to vascular disease but her mind was as sharp as ever.

More guilt would follow. I'd start out good with one visit a week then I would make an event rounding up my immediate family that never happened. Finally I accomplished getting my married son, his wife and child, my daughter and husband together one Sunday four months after Thanksgiving. Who knew that would be the last time we saw her alive.

I didn't have any money to offer. I wrote her eulogy, I submitted the family poem, I picked out the outfit and sat sullen weeping through her funeral.

The return to the house was even more gut wrenching. I smiled through tears entertaining old family and friends. The night before was spent preparing a feast befitting of the cook she once was, verifying insurance policies and forfeiting any rights to what was left to me. I donated my portion to charities.

In the end I would have visited more, made sure she was okay, told her how much I loved her, still do. I would have prayed for the deliverance of her soul with her, not for her after it was too late for her to know how much I cared.

I would not have stood graveside holding my brother wishing I could trade places with my sister who has a much busier schedule than I who made a point of visiting Grandma at least twice a week on a busy week.

I'll end this article by sharing the poem I read at my grandmother's funeral:

Resting Comfortably

She said she'd seen all she wanted to see,
Said she'd done all that she wanted to do
She was preparing us for her final day,
Apparently accepting God's way
He must have told her, The final day is near
Grandma didn't shed a tear,
She thanked him for her time on earth
Thankful for the times she gave birth,
Proud of the seed her seeds produced
She closed her eyes and fell asleep,
Her life was complete
Her soul lives on,
I see it in my mother's eyes
I hear it in my sister's cries,
I feel it in my brother's embrace
We all know she's in a better place

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